Nothing brings out the tensions in a family quite like the death of a parent. For one dad who’s terminally ill, those tensions are already bubbling to the surface before he’s even left his family. It’s resulted in a rather drastic decision on how to handle his estate, one that, while understandable, is likely to have major and unfair repercussions for his kids.

The dad, who has less than a year left to live, cut his son out of his $15 million estate.

The dad wrote into Slate’s financial advice column “Pay Dirt” for help with his conundrum. He’s just received a terminal cancer diagnosis and has less than a year to live. Accordingly, he’s been taking care of his estate, and it’s left him in a bit of a quandary.

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He’ll be leaving a $15 million estate behind, and has decided all of it will go to his daughter Jenny and her family, with his son Louis cut out entirely. Although he feels the move is justified given his son’s behavior, he also worries that his approach is “selfish.”

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His son has been distant and ungrateful, so he’s leaving everything to his daughter without telling them.

As he describes it, Jenny has been a devoted daughter all her life and has been effusively grateful for all her father has done not just for her, but for her husband and kids, who are now college-aged.

Louis, on the other hand, is a different story. The dad paid not only for Louis’s college tuition but his wife’s. He then ponied up for their wedding later on, but says he’s “never so much as received a ‘thank you'” from him or his wife.

Even worse, he says he only tends to hear from Louis when he wants something, whether it’s money or a babysitter. So he’s decided he’s had enough: He’s already been to his lawyer to have Louis cut out of his will and his $15 million fortune divided 60/40 between Jenny and her children. He has no intention of informing them beforehand.

“Knowing Louis, he is going to be furious when he learns he isn’t getting anything,” he wrote. “I hate the thought of leaving Jenny to deal with her brother’s wrath, but I want to make the most of whatever time I have left rather than spend it engaged in endless arguments with my son.”

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Inheritances are a key cause of sibling strife after a parent’s death, and his daughter will be left with a mess.

This dad’s motivations are certainly understandable, but to leave his daughter with not only this mess, but the SURPRISE of this mess is impossible to justify. In fact, it’s kind of cruel.

Experts say it is incredibly common for siblings to fall out after the death of a parent, whether money is involved or not, because parents act as what psychologists, sociologists, and others call “kin keepers,” who knit siblings together. When that link is removed in death, experts say it is often replaced by childhood conflicts and sibling rivalries. When there’s inequity in inheritance, the drama is often drastically exacerbated.

So not only is this dad lashing out at his son from beyond, which is cruel and petty, regardless of the circumstances, but he’s also leaving Jenny the burden of managing her brother’s wrath on top of her own overwhelming grief. That’s spectacularly unfair. And to what end? It’s not like he’ll be here to enjoy the satisfaction of having settled the score. The fact that he’s even asking for input on whether this is “selfish” answers his own question.

Kristin Wong, Slate’s “Pay Dirt” advice columnist, suggested that the dad instead speak with Jenny about all of this before his passing and, if necessary, amend his will accordingly based on her wishes. She also brought up another important consideration: Should Louis’ child be penalized for her father’s failures? That hardly seems fair, either.

His feelings and motivations are understandable, but this is, at the end of the day, passive-aggression, which is never productive and nearly always cowardly — and yes, selfish. The death of a parent is destabilizing enough without being thrown curveballs. Giving his daughter a heads-up will go a long way toward preparing her for the drama, and maybe even finding a solution that works better in the long run.

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John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.