Love can be simple, yet it often feels like one of the most complicated things we experience. You give, you care, you invest your time, your energy, your heart—and sometimes, the person you give it to never really gives it back. It stings, doesn’t it? That quiet realization that your feelings, no matter how real, are not being returned in the way you wish they would be. But here’s the thing: you're not alone in this experience. In fact, a centuries-old text offers something profoundly wise on the matter. The Bhagavad Gita, an ancient spiritual guide, speaks directly to situations like these. The love that doesn't come back, the heartbreak that feels too heavy to bear. It might seem like an unlikely source of wisdom for the modern heartbroken, but it speaks about something deeply human: how we can love without letting our love define our peace. Let's take a look.
1. The Problem with Clinging to Love
In the Gita, Krishna talks about attachment. In simple terms, attachment is the expectation we place on the outcome of our actions—especially in love. We give, hoping to receive. We act with the belief that our feelings will somehow be mirrored in others. And when they’re not, we feel lost. It’s easy to confuse love with possession, or to think that love should be a bargain: “If I love you this much, then you should love me back just as much.” But attachment to this outcome is the root of all suffering.
The moment you love someone with the expectation that they will return that love, you’ve already set yourself up for pain. The Gita doesn’t say not to love—it says love freely, without the weight of wanting to control or predict how it will be returned. Let go of the idea that love has to be a transaction. Love because it’s natural, because it brings joy, not because you expect something in return.
2. Loving Without Expectation
Krishna's teachings around karma yoga—the practice of selfless action—are at the heart of this idea. The essence of karma yoga is doing what you do, not because of what you might get, but because it is the right thing to do. In relationships, this translates to giving love without needing to be loved in return. It sounds like a radical idea, but it’s also one of the most freeing concepts.
If we let go of expecting someone to love us back, we free ourselves. We create space for a love that is unconditional, unburdened by the need for validation. The love we give can be pure, without any conditions attached. When we release ourselves from the pressure of “will they love me?” we start to focus more on the beauty of the love itself, not the void of it being returned.
3. Embrace the Freedom of Letting Go
In many ways, attachment is a trap. It keeps us tied to things that are not in our control. The Gita advises us to recognize what we can and cannot control. What others feel, how others react, is not in our hands. What we can control is how we choose to respond.
If we let go of the need for someone to reciprocate our feelings, we create freedom for ourselves. We begin to understand that love is not a weight that drags us down, but a force that lifts us up. In letting go of the idea that our worth is tied to someone else’s affection, we begin to find that our worth was never in question.
4. Understanding Love as an Offering
The Gita teaches us that life is full of acts of duty—actions we must take not because of personal gain but because they are aligned with a larger purpose. When we approach love in this way, it becomes less about me and more about the other person, less about what we gain and more about the act itself. This shift in perspective is powerful. It removes the selfishness from love and places it in a space where we give not because we expect something in return, but because we simply can.
We give because love is inherently valuable, regardless of whether it is returned. This is the kind of love that is most healing. The love that asks for nothing and expects nothing, but that offers everything freely. That’s when love becomes truly transformative—not just for the person you love, but for yourself as well.
5. A Love That Doesn’t Define You
Finally, the Gita asks us to remember that we are not defined by our relationships or by the people around us. You are more than your feelings, more than the highs and lows of your love life. To be able to love deeply, without being shaken by whether or not that love is returned, is to truly understand your own inner strength.
Love is a beautiful thing, but it is not the only thing. You are whole on your own, and this realization is liberating. It allows you to love others fully, without fear, but it also allows you to love yourself, to understand your own worth beyond any other person’s affection.
The Path Forward
So, what does the Gita teach us about loving someone who will never love us back? It’s simple: let go of the need for validation. Free yourself from the expectation that your love needs to be returned in a certain way. Love without attachment. Love without conditions. Love because it is a natural expression of who you are, not a currency that you trade for affection.
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back isn’t a flaw. It’s a part of the human experience. But when we allow that love to flow freely, without the need to hold on to it or control it, we discover something profound: we can love, and still be whole. This, ultimately, is the essence of freedom in love—and it’s the freedom the Gita speaks of. A love that does not break us, but builds us.
