Everything about your life changes once you become a parent, but does becoming a parent mean you have to give up your life? One dad seems to think his wife should. He took to Reddit arguing that his wife should give up her time-consuming hobbies and instead spend more time with their 6-month-old and the two kids he has from a previous relationship.

The 39-year-old man claimed that his wife is spending too much time with her friends and on a life outside the home. The real problem seems to be, however, that he’s home alone with the kids and is resentful that she prioritizes friends, travel, and hobbies.

A husband thought his wife would give up her time-consuming hobbies after they had a baby.

“My wife is a very active person with time-consuming hobbies and likes to spend time on those hobbies with her friends. This means sometimes she is gone for most of a weekend or a whole day every now and then. She also likes to help her friends (one in particular) with all of their problems any time of day, or sometimes night,” he began in his Reddit post.

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He explained that his wife’s job has her working rather late into the night, so he’s usually the one who has to pick up their 6-month-old daughter from various things, like daycare. He also has two kids from a previous marriage, a 12-year-old daughter and a 10-year-old son. Prior to having their daughter, he recalled him and his wife having multiple conversations about what it would look like once they decided to have a baby, especially since she has a busy schedule.

He insisted that it wouldn’t work unless his wife made some lifestyle changes before they had a child. She assured him that she was on board and it wouldn’t be a problem to adjust her schedule to make sure she had time to spend with their family.

Now that they have a child, his wife wants to continue going on her hobby- trips with friends.

After they had that initial conversation, his wife continued to travel with her friends, but he didn’t think anything of it because they hadn’t had their daughter yet. However, now, 6 months later, his wife is still planning trips with her friends, and he admitted that it’s just become difficult to essentially be a single parent responsible for taking care of all these kids and an infant while his wife jets off to spend time with her hobbies.

“I feel it is really difficult to take good care of them when I am alone with them and their baby sister, as she requires almost all of my time and attention,” he continued. “Not only do I find this unfair to me but the kids as well, but she is pressuring me about how important this is to her and that her mother can take care of our daughter — I don’t want to leave her with her grandmother for a week!”

He questioned if he would be considered “controlling” for trying to tell his wife that she needed to spend more time at home instead of having hobbies that left him alone with the children. He also pointed out that it’s more about her booking these trips and not talking to him, and not wanting to involve the rest of their family.

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Hobbies are something that many moms are forced to give up once they become parents.

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In Motherly’s 2023 State of Motherhood survey51% of moms reported that they could go months without going out with friends or even their partners without the kids. That might fit the traditional view of motherhood, but it doesn’t bode well for the mothers in general.

The fact that this mom is prioritizing her life isn’t the norm statistically, but that doesn’t make it wrong. It’s incredibly important that parents, but mothers in particular, keep their identity and their interests outside of just being a parent, even if it’s societally frowned upon.

Having a hobby can drastically improve a person’s mental health and overall well-being. So, he shouldn’t just expect his wife to dedicate all of her free time and extra hours to taking care of their kids. But on the other hand, there should definitely be a balance because it seems like he’s drowning in his parenting responsibilities while his wife travels and enjoys time with her friends.

It’s clear this couple needs to simply communicate more effectively while also holding respect for each other’s autonomy. If that means his wife takes fewer trips, or she incorporates the entire family into some of her outings, then so be it. However, holding resentment towards his wife and trying to blame her for not sacrificing more of her time to spend with their kids will only lead to a falling out. Instead of turning to Reddit for advice, it’s time for this husband and father to have a heart-to-heart with his wife. If he shares his feelings without accusation or irritation, they can constructively come to a resolution that will help their relationship and family flourish.

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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.