In a Facebook post, a frustrated mother shared a text message she received from her teen daughter, expressing her discontent about how the child support money her dad provides is being spent. Did your jaw hit the floor? You’re not alone.
While child support is a touchy subject, especially when it comes to the amount and how it’s used, teen entitlement is an even bigger issue. Of the 4.1 million parents who received child support money in 2021, as reported on by the most recent Census Bureau reporthow many do you think stopped and asked their kids how that money should be spent? If they had bills to pay and groceries to buy, probably not many. Dual-parent families certainly don’t consult with the kids before paying the bills, so why should single-parent households be any different?
The text message from the 16-year-old to her mother made its way onto TikTok, and Jessica Bailey Hassan offered her two cents on the topic. The crux of the daughter’s argument was that her mother didn’t use the money solely on her needs and wants. Instead, the money went to household expenses, including expenses associated with her stepsiblings.
The daughter went on to say that her mother is “taking advantage” of her, and she doesn’t like that she has to struggle to get what she wants when her mother is receiving $1,900 a month from her ex. Ultimately, the teen girl wants to live with her dad and doesn’t want her mom to put up a fight about it. Surprisingly, Hassan agreed. Her take: Once the daughter turns 18, she can do whatever she wants, so the mother should “just let her go.”
The comment section provided interesting insights into the situation. Many stated that there wasn’t enough information in order to make a judgment, with one person saying, “This is hard to judge, I’d need context. On one hand, daughter might not get what it’s for. On another, it seems there’s tension between them.” Another commenter chimed in, “Most child support is a reimbursement to the primary parent. Primary parent is still allowed to say no and delegate consequences.”
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The expenses that have been incurred through raising a child as a custodial parent are expected to be covered by the child support that the non-custodial parent provides. The expenses include food, education, clothes, and other costs. Child support is essentially a financial agreement between two parents on how the child will be provided for.
The daughter mentioned that her father was the one who told her about how much child support he was paying. It is possible that the father is trying to alienate his daughter from her mother, which is a bit worrying.
Parental alienation is using negativity to turn a child against their parent. A sign of parental alienation is sharing child support issues with the child. The daughter mentioned that she wants to move in with her dad, which would mean that her father wouldn’t have to pay for child support. Drawing from the context clues, the daughter views the father as the better option despite her living with her mother for a reason.
We don’t know what made the teen’s father share the child support amount with his daughter or how the situation came to be. What we do know, however, is that the daughter wants to understand why her mother spends the child support money the way she chooses, and the mother doesn’t know if this is her daughter speaking or her ex influencing her.
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Nataliya Vaitkevich | Pexels
The daughter highlighted how her mother always says no when she asks for something, and doesn’t understand why her mother seems to spend the child support money on everything else, including her siblings. The daughter mentioned that if it wasn’t for her, her mother wouldn’t be able to afford the house that they live in.
Well, that’s exactly the point. It’s perfectly acceptable for child support money to go towards household payments, including the mortgage — that’s where the teen lives, after all. But it certainly sounds like Mom should share these details so it’s understood.
It can be a difficult conversation to have, but it’s clear that the daughter wants to know the “whys” behind her mother’s financial decisions. She might not be entitled to the money or even entitled to know how her mom uses the money, but it would be a good parenting decision for her mom to explain the distribution, since she’s operating under the assumption that her mother spends the money on everything and everyone else but her.
Jen Hemphill, a financial expert, told NPR, “If you’re transparent about your money choices instead of leaving kids in the dark, you’re setting them up better for success by helping them understand the power money can hold and providing opportunities to learn from your mistakes together.”
The winning parenting move would be for the mom to sit her daughter down and itemize her budget, her income, and what she spends money on, which would enable her daughter to start her own financial journey and gain a better understanding of how money works, including where the child support payments are going. From there, she could possibly set up a bank account, discuss the use of a debit card, and how to save money.
Being a parent is difficult, especially with the stresses of maintaining finances for the family. If your child is asking questions about money, don’t waste the teachable moment by letting your pride get in the way.
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Amani Semper is a writer who covers parenting, relationships, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
