He tickled India’s funny bone long before stand-up comedy became popular. Television anchor Cyrus Broacha is best known for his pranks on ‘MTV Bakra’ and his satirical take on current affairs via ‘The Week That Wasn’t’. His talk show ‘ Cyrus Says’ recently completed 10 years making it the country’s longest-running podcast. The 55-year-old and his artist-wife Ayesha had Neha Bhayana in splits as they discussed their not-so-little kids and their not-so-matching parenting fundas with mock seriousness

How old are your kids now? Are they past the teen stage where they tend to hate their parents?

Cyrus: My daughter Maya 's doing her 12th finals so she is 18. I’ll check her Aadhaar card and confirm. The boy Mikhaail is 22 and he’s studying in London, Ontario, Canada, not London, UK, England. My daughter never hated me, but my son sort of rejected me when he turned 11 or 12. I think a lot of males go through that stage where the father becomes redundant or like a joke or someone they are disappointed in. But it’s a little better now. He’s much less disappointed and our relationship is better. With my daughter, it’s been pretty much the same from the beginning. She’s always looked at me as an NGO to look after ever since she was able to walk. She’s always helping me with all kinds of things…it’s wonderful. I feel like I’m a wheelchair-bound old man and my daughter takes care of me.

Do your kids like facing the camera too?

Cyrus: Right now, Mikhaail is driving me mad. He wants to be on our Insta page because he’s had a good fitness journey from really horrible body dysmorphia to where he is now. He wants to share that. Personally, I don’t have a choice. As the father, I just have to say yes to everything. It’s really embarrassing. Ours is a real democracy, not like the governments of the world, you know. They pretend to be free and tell you to do what you want, but you can’t.

Toddlerhood, the teen phase or the part in-between — which is the toughest stage to manage?

Cyrus: It may sound clichéd, but the second kid is so much easier. With the first kid, you don’t know what you are doing at all, especially as a member of the first generation of urban Indian men who were involved in raising kids. With due respect to my dad and that generation… they were involved as we grew up, but when we were babies, I don’t think they did much. So, I was stuck with the diaper work, which I was really not good at. I’m not good at cleaning myself. Sorry to bring this up. So how do I clean others? That was horrible. And the other thing is putting Mikhaail to sleep. Ayesha would give me that job and you know how kids are...even without caffeine they can go on for 24 hours. Often, I would fall asleep and he’d be awake and call his mom to tell her. That was a bit tough.

The problem is that kids always win. If you just remember the premise that you’re losing, then the pressure goes off you. Still, parenting is scary. But then again, if they weren’t there, what would I do with my life? Oh, my dogs. Yeah, I’d have more dogs for sure. In fact, I wanted to call my son Rocky and my daughter Biscuit, but my wife said no. These are not acceptable names in urban India. I do regret that, but like I said, I had no power. So parenting, I mean, you can put any label on it, but I was a peon in the relationship. Ayesha is the one in charge.

So, she is the lead parent?

Cyrus: Yes, yes. She’s based loosely on the model of Colonel Gaddafi. So many of her virtues come from the Libyan dictator except she stopped wearing the uniform after 15 years of marriage because it looked bad. But yeah, she’s the real parent. She’s brought them up. Like most dads, I was the fun parent who got away with picking, dropping, and taking the kids to football. But I did more homework with them too. Just earlier today I was sitting with my daughter for English, global politics and economics. I was completely out of my depth. Thank god for Google. I keep saying, don’t worry, I have the answer.
But what I don’t want to ever do again is attend school performances, where you have to sit through like 100 kids waiting for your own child. Most parents only want to see their own kid, but one has to sit and pretend.

You were in the ‘ Bigg Boss ’ house a few years ago. If you had to choose between being stuck in the ‘Bigg Boss’ house again for a week or being stuck in a room with your kids, what would you select?

Cyrus: I had a good time in the ‘Bigg Boss’ house. They were actually normal people, but much younger than me. But the food was horrible. I was starving. The good part was there were more girls in ‘Bigg Boss’ and they were very nice to me. At my age, that’s something that’s not going to happen very often. As much as I love my kids, I have to think this through. But seriously though, it is a very tough thing — parenting. It is not for everyone. If you have a weak heart, I would say don’t get into parenting.

Tiger, panda, free-range or helicopter - which parenting style do you follow?

Cyrus: We follow the Ayesha Monani Broacha School of Art. We’re basically into ‘jisko jaisa’…permissive culture. Sometimes, I think my kids are upset that why can’t we play piano, excel at seven sports, read to the United Nations by the age of 13 and publish books by 14. But I think we’re just not the right parents for that. We are the parents who are always complaining about how life sucks. No disrespect to other parents (I know it’s tough. Maybe you do things because your parents did some things you want to go against, or you want to go with).

Ayesha, were you comfortable or concerned if and when you left the kids with Cyrus when they were little?

Ayesha: No, not with my daughter. She has Cyrus wrapped around her little finger. Cyrus wasn’t a great parent with my son when he was little. My son is a slow mover and a deep thinker and Cyrus is very impatient. So, whenever there was anything that he needed to do with my son, I was dreadfully concerned. My poor child had to face the consequences. And I hope he’ll never do that with his own children.

So, was he very strict with Mikhaail?

Ayesha: No, no, Cyrus is the opposite, you know. He is the most immature father.

But he changed by the time you had your daughter?

Ayesha: Everybody is a better parent when the second one comes. Daughters also have some sort of control. The fathers become different people. They’re very malleable when it comes to the girl child.

Cyrus: Hey, that’s not fair. I have such a lovely relationship with my son and I’m very malleable with him also. Right now, he wants to do Insta, pinsta, whatever time of the day.

Ayesha: Yes, yes. I’m not saying anything about now. I’m talking about when he was little….
Cyrus: Okay, fine. I have to find another wife on shaadi.com….this time I want a slightly older, maybe 60-year-old woman, so she can’t hear what I say in any case.

So, who’s the strict parent and who’s the soft one?

Ayesha: I won’t say strict, but I certainly try to demarcate the rules. Of course, Cyrus flouts every rule. So, he is certainly not the strict parent. Never has been.

Cyrus: Neither has she. But sometimes the kids complain about her lecturing them and how they fall asleep. That’s not a good thing. So that’s one area where Ayesha can improve. She has to stop with the long lectures and slightly boring storytelling style. Ayesha, I’m being honest here to help your relationship with your kids. So that one day it will be as good as mine with my kids.

The US Surgeon General has called parenting stress a serious health concern. Do you think parents are to blame for this stress?

Ayesha: I think both Cyrus and I have been the most laidback, go-with-the-flow, do-what-makes-you-happy type of parents. So, we wouldn’t be the right people to answer that.

Cyrus: A lot of parents around us are stressed, no doubt. I think people are just worried that if they don’t do this, the child will miss out or whatever. There’s this competitive urge in our society, especially in the big cities, where everybody pushes the kid to do 10 things. Ayesha and I never really got into that. I am cheap. Most things cost money. So, I’m against it. It is nice to play the piano or swim decently or sing a little bit. At the end of the day, you need one skill in life. Everything else is just a show, a drama. I’m pretty clear that they have to find their way with that one skill or one thing that they’re good at or passionate about. That’s all you need. The rest doesn’t really matter. It helps you at a cocktail party or to pick up girls when you’re young, but that’s it. I mean I can swim decently and sing a bit, but what does it help me with? And Ayesha is a very talented runner, but it does not help us at all. Although now she’s earning also with the (marathon) running. Last time, she got 4,000 rupees or something.
Ayesha: Five thousand.
Cyrus: By the way, we parents are ATMs for life for the kids. I don’t think that ever stops. Even if they make more money than us, they’ll still take from us.

What advice would you give to new parents?

Ayesha: You don’t get second chances. So, don’t think too hard because every day is just that day and it’s not going to come back. The kids are with you for just the first 18 years of their lives and then they’re off. So, it is a very precious time. Just enjoy it and understand that they’re children.

Cyrus: Your answer is so long that people are giving birth in the meantime.

Ayesha: My advice to you is to stop interrupting me, all right? That would be nice. That’s what you’ve done with the children and me also. You don’t let me talk to them.

Cyrus: So, then they’re badly brought up because of me? Oh, wow. Oh, by the way, that’s what she says all the time. Whenever she is angry, she will say ‘your children’. It’s amazing. They do something nice, then it is ‘my son, my daughter’. Otherwise, it’s ‘your children’. This switch happens so quickly.

Anyway, I’ll not give you advice. But I would like to tell young parents to talk to their kids normally. I find too many parents have a distance in the way they talk. They act like they are talking to some idiot who can’t hear. They talk loudly and each word is dragged out. ‘Buntyy betaaaa, diddd youuu eattt?’ I think we should just talk normally because kids are much smarter than us. Each generation is smarter and quicker. I learned that quickly. My kids have been correcting me from the age of three. A lot of parents put on airs and think that they have to talk to the kids like they are not intellectually all there.

If your children had to choose one parent to spend a day with, who would they choose?

Ayesha: Kunal (Vijaykar).

Cyrus: Ayesha, don’t do the comedy. Let me do this.

Ayesha: I’m not doing the comedy. That’s the absolute truth. Kunal is very tolerant. He is the best parent. If there’s anybody who spoils my children more than us, it’d be Kunal.

Cyrus: I hope Ayesha doesn’t mind, but if it is about having fun, the kids will surely choose me. I am more easy-going. They don’t have to worry about anything around me. If there’s trouble, definitely Ayesha. In any crisis or bad situation, they want her. It’s like World War II. You have Winston Churchill during war, and they voted for Clement Attlee during peace.

Are you friends with your kids? Can you discuss dating and sex with them?


Cyrus: Oh, much worse than that. We discuss religious issues, wars, our views on LGBTQ and all the woke stuff. Sex is like vegetarian stuff compared to the stuff that we’ve talked about. I find the left versus right kind of philosophies far more provocative than just pure sexual things. Besides, the kids grow up so fast. I don’t tell them anything. The next generation seems to know everything. So, it’s not like our time. There’s no fear of talking about any subject, except money. But I always tell them I don’t have any. So that’s one topic less.

Do you have a lot of differences when it comes to parenting decisions?

Cyrus: I don’t think we fight much because she’s the lead parent. We both know where we stand. Ayesha decides everything. I don’t have a problem with that because I think she’s got a head on her shoulders. Our fights are about things like towels on the bed and wet bathroom.

Cyrus, do your kids find you funny or do your jokes fall flat on them?
Cyrus: Nobody finds me funny. My daughter is famous for rolling her eyes at anything I say or do. You know that expression like ‘Oh god, here we go’. My son doesn’t even respond most of the time. If Liverpool is playing, he’d be like ‘just move’ because I will be in the way of the TV or something. I don’t think they’re impressed by my or Ayesha’s jokes or anything. That’s fine. I mean some kids do a little bit of PR work to please the parents and some kids are good at engineering. But by and large, man, you’re sitting with the parents every day. There’s nothing interesting about your own family.

Cyrus, you’ve been into fitness of late and revealed a ripped new look recently. Do you motivate the kids to work out too?
Cyrus: I don’t make the kids do anything, but they’re completely obsessed with weight training. My daughter’s final exams are on and yet she is with me at the gym at 5.30am daily. She comes back, studies, eats and then I drop her to school. I am very proud of them because they don’t skip the gym. That’s one thing about our family…we’re not tiger parents or whatever, and we’ve never asked them to do anything…but all of us love to exercise. My wife’s exercise is a little bit different though. It involves running on Marine Drive alongside men with terrible physiques in tight shorts. But she recently started coming to the gym. Aha! Ayesha, we converted you.