A woman who is pregnant with her first baby asked for advice on the British parenting forum Mumsnet. She explained that she’s a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding, at which time she’ll be 20 weeks along in her pregnancy. She expressed how difficult her pregnancy has been so far; she’s had “bad morning sickness, tiredness, and pelvic girdle pain.”
“My mornings are slower and harder,” she said, so she asked the bride if she could arrive after the 6 a.m. start time on the day of the wedding. Guess who was none too thrilled with the request? You guessed it! The bride took offense to the pregnant woman’s request and said the 6 a.m. arrival time was non-negotiable.
The bridesmaid hoped that the bride would be flexible on timing, as the wedding was scheduled to start at 1 p.m. She explained, “I asked if I could arrive later in the morning, ahead of her getting (her) dress on and (taking) photos. I’d get my hair and makeup done, of course, beforehand, but allowing (me) to come later will give me a better chance to last longer in the day.”
“Am I being unreasonable for wanting to come a little later?” The pregnant bridesmaid asked.
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The bridesmaid explained that “of course” she’ll show up when the bride wants, but she feels like the bride’s expectations aren’t entirely fair, especially because she’s attending the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding and is responsible for “a lot of duties on the day.”
In addition to being rigid about timing, the bride also told the bridesmaid that “she knows a pregnant lady who (has the) same date as me and she is ‘fine,’ which made me feel as though she thinks I’m lying about my struggles.”
OB/GYN, Dr. Daying Zhang, explained in a piece written for the “Ask a Doctor” column, “About 50 percent of pregnant women experience routine nausea and vomiting. Usually, these symptoms show up within the first five to six weeks, and many women feel better as the first trimester comes to a close.” But as she noted, that’s not always the case.
This bridesmaid will be at 20 weeks when the wedding rolls around, and although she should be feeling better when it comes to nausea, Dr. Zhang stressed that every woman is different and that mornings in general are difficult for many pregnant women. “Why are mornings so tough on pregnant women? The answer is something of a mystery. Theories exist that it has been genetically wired into women as a protective measure. Rather than risk her eating something that could damage the developing child, nature continually empties a pregnant mother’s stomach, at least early on.”
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Unsurprisingly, most people believed that the bride was being unreasonable by not accommodating what seemed like a simple request to come a little later in the morning. One woman did acknowledge the bride’s point of view, however, explaining that the situation was a “hard one, because if I was the bride, this would definitely be stressing me out.” Yet the woman recognized that “it’s also a lot to ask of you if you’re feeling really rough.” She came to the conclusion that neither the bride nor the bridesmaid were being unreasonable, yet because the wedding seems like “a big production, (it) does require a bit more cooperation from everyone.”
Someone else made the observation that “throwing up on something on the morning of her wedding will cause much more stress than you arriving at a planned later time.” Another person had a pointed response to the bride’s dismissive comment about knowing another pregnant person who’s “fine.” They advised the bridesmaid to “tell her you know a bride due to be married on the same day and she doesn’t mind her bridesmaid being late.”
Just to play devil’s advocate, here’s something for this expectant mom to consider: Maybe the bride, who we are assuming is a good friend since she asked this woman to be in her wedding, really is nervous and stressed. And maybe, just maybe, she wants one of her closest friends, whom she loves, to be there for support. It might be making her a little selfish in the moment, but all brides are a little selfish. It’s supposed to be that way.
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Being loved and wanted isn’t exactly a bad thing, and this soon-to-be-mom should remember that. Does it mean she needs to still show up at 6 a.m. when she can barely make it to the bathroom most mornings? Absolutely, not. But maybe instead of hurt feelings and advice from strangers, she could have a heart-to-heart with a good friend and tell her exactly how she feels.
Planning and executing a wedding requires giving attention to the many moving pieces that make up the day. You know what else does? Growing a baby. Being pregnant is actually such hard work that a 2024 study found that the average pregnant woman expends a whopping 50,000 dietary calories over those 9 months. According to Parentsthat’s the equivalent of 18 jars of peanut butter!
Okay, maybe that trivia tidbit won’t help her case, but a heartfelt talk absolutely will. And who knows, by the time the wedding day actually comes, and mom-to-be kicks off her second trimester, she might be feeling a whole lot different about that 6 a.m. wakeup call. The important thing is that she tells her friend all this.
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Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
