My wife and I have been married for three years and have a nearly two-year-old child. I work in a tech company, earning around VND70-80 million (US$2,689-$3,073) per month. My wife is a kindergarten teacher, earning only around VND7 million.

When we first got married, she asked me to give her all my salary to manage household expenses. I agreed, thinking it didn’t matter who handled the money as long as we trusted each other.

But gradually, I started feeling uncomfortable. Every time I ask for some money, she gives it to me but always asks “Why are you spending so much?” or “Why are you withdrawing so much money this month?” or “What did you buy that cost so much?”

At first, I patiently explained, but over time, I became frustrated. I go to work, meet clients, and sometimes want to treat my colleagues to a meal or buy a new shirt, but I feel awkward because of her constant questioning.

I once suggested keeping some money for myself to have more control over my spending and giving her the rest, but she refused, saying: “The money you earn is for the family. If you keep it, you’ll spend it recklessly and won’t save.”

I understand that she wants to save for the future, but the truth is I don’t spend recklessly and I don’t have any hidden funds. I just want a little freedom when it comes to money, especially since most of the household income comes from me. I’m not trying to compare salaries, but when my wife controls all the money, I start to feel excluded, as if I don’t have a say in the money I’ve earned.

I’ve been thinking about discussing our finances. Maybe we could split the household and child- expenses, and each keep the rest for ourselves. This isn’t about separating, it’s about making both of us feel more comfortable. But I’m afraid she’ll be upset, thinking that I’m being calculative or distant. I don’t want money issues to drive a wedge between us.

What should I do?