Being a mom is always stressful, no matter how many kids you have. However, most people would probably agree that the more kids you have, the more stressful the role is. It turns out that this may be only partly true.
A survey of over 7,000 moms revealed that one specific number of kids is the most stressful, and it may not be what you would expect. Instead of a particularly large brood causing the most stress, survey participants shared that the most stressful number of kids was actually three.
A TODAYMoms.com survey asked 7,164 mothers how they felt about the stress that came with motherhood and having multiple kids. The survey found that the most stressful number of kids to have is three. This may come as a surprise to some, as it isn’t a particularly large number. In fact, having three kids is fairly common.
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Interestingly enough, mothers who have fewer than three children, and even mothers who have more than three children, feel less stress than those with three. TODAY writer Rebecca Dube referred to this as “the Duggar effect,” referencing the infamous Duggar family that became reality TV famous for having 19 children. “Once you get a certain critical mass of kids, life seems to get a bit easier,” Dube said.
Real moms could attest to this fact. Jill Smokler, an author and the blogger behind Scary Mommyhas three children and shared her own perspective. “Going from one to two was an easy, breezy transition. Two to three, everything was turned upside down,” she admitted. “I do not feel like I have it together. You only have two hands! Just crossing the street and not being able to physically hold all their hands I find tremendously stressful.”
Psychiatrist Dr. Janet Taylor, who is a mom of four herself, also felt like the findings were accurate. She said that three seemed like the perfect number for stress about perfectionism to creep in, but any more than that and “there’s just not enough space in your head.”
“The more children you have, the more confident you become in your parenting abilities,” she stated. “You have to let go … and then you’re just thankful when they all get to school on time.”
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The survey requested that moms share how stressed they feel on a scale of one to 10. The average answer was eight and a half. 75% of the survey’s respondents said that they put more stress and pressure on themselves than others do.
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To help manage stress, Dr. Taylor recommended a simple exercise to ensure that moms are taking care of essential tasks and taking care of themselves. “Take five minutes and draw a pie chart showing how you actually spend the hours in your day,” Dube said. “Then flip the paper over and draw a pie chart of what you’d like to be doing. Pick one of the things that’s on chart two (what you want), but not chart one (the reality), and figure out a way to make it happen.”
While there may be something particularly stressful about having three kids, parenting in general is no easy feat. In 2024, the U.S. Surgeon General released “Parents Under Pressure,” a report and advisory on the stress of being a parent.
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Because of this, it seems like having three children may just be the tip of the iceberg. Parents are stressed for a multitude of reasons, and it’s gotten so bad that medical experts are taking notice and weighing in.
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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
