Of all the days for a man to put his foot in his mouth, you wouldn’t guess his wedding day would be it. Alas, here we are. A wedding guest took to Reddit to share that during a recent ceremony she’d attended, she was surprised to hear what the groom had to say about the bride during their vows.
The woman claimed that she and the people seated around her were all shocked that the groom would say something so critical right before pledging to love each other forever, pointing out that it probably shouldn’t have slipped from his mouth in the first place.
“We were at a very small wedding where the groom was speaking, and he happened to mention that his new bride wasn’t his ‘physical type.’ People around us started whispering, and even I thought I had misheard,” she began in her Reddit post.
She explained that at first, she couldn’t believe that the groom would say something like that, while her boyfriend just assumed the groom was probably nervous and it slipped out. However, she argued that no matter how nervous he was, that comment should have stayed in his brain instead of being blurted out.
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In the comments section, many people were equally as shocked as the wedding guest, while others shared similar horror wedding stories. One user recalled, “At my wedding, my father told my future husband that I wasn’t that much to look at normally, but I cleaned up really, really nicely.”
They added, “Some men only see female value in physical appearance, and they think they should get brownie points for looking past that and noticing someone is an awesome person underneath. We will all hopefully be old and wrinkled someday. What is underneath should be a huge priority for everyone.”
Another Redditor claimed, “Some thoughts are meant to only be that… thoughts. There are certain things that despite how true it may be, shouldn’t be said out loud just for the sake of decency and respect.”
Psychotherapist Sally O’Reilly noted that the simple fact that women are judged more harshly than men when it comes to physical appearance is a fault of society and years of telling women what they can and can’t be in order to be attractive. Women judge other women for these things, as well. She wrote, “It is very difficult for women to win. On a daily basis women are bombarded with messages that say — be strong, be fragile, be caring, but not too much or you will look needy, cry, but not too often, enjoy sex, but not too frequently, look good, but don’t be vain, lose weight but don’t look thin, be carefree about your weight, but don’t get photographed with cellulite. There are many pressures on women to behave in ways that are unrealistic and unfair.”
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According to a study by the University of Western Ontarioresearchers found that most people don’t end up marrying their ideal type. Instead, something called “revisionist history” happens, which is when people start dating somebody they like, and their preferences change to match the traits of the person they’re dating.
In a similar survey from EliteDailymore than two-thirds of participants did not marry what they considered their type. Instead, many of them either compromised in a few areas or dated outside their type altogether. Some participants admitted that their type changed when they met their partner.
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Couples’ therapist Charlie Huntington explained“When evaluating a potential partner, we have lots of information about their apparent traits, but almost no experience relating to them. As we spend more time with that person, however, we evaluate them less on how conventionally desirable they are or how much they fit our preferred traits, and more on how they behave with us, how it feels to be in a relationship with them.”
Huntington insisted that it is always a much stronger predictor of how satisfactory a relationship really is. It’s more important how you relate to somebody, if your values and morals align, and how you view the world, versus if they’re you’re physical type or not. Looks fade as we get older, but who you are underneath is what truly matters.
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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
