“There’s no perfect life, no perfect couple.”
When Sudha Murty — one of India’s most respected authors and philanthropists — says this, you can be sure it’s not just a comforting line but a truth she’s lived for more than four decades with Narayana Murthy, the co-founder of Infosys.
At the India Today Conclave 2024, Sudha Murty distilled a lifetime of partnership into three simple, yet powerful principles for a marriage that not only survives the years but grows deeper with them.
These lessons are a timely reminder for couples who often confuse the Instagram version of love with the real work it takes to make a marriage last. Here’s what she said — and why these timeless ideas can transform how we live with the person we claim to love the most.
1. Don’t Fear Fights: Learn to Fight Wisely

Sudha Murty said something that sounds almost shocking at first:
“When you are married, you are bound to fight. Accept that. If you say you have never fought, you are not husband and wife.”
Many couples feel ashamed when they argue, believing that disagreement means failure. But as Murty points out, conflict is natural. What matters is
how you fight.
She explains that when one partner is angry or upset, the other must learn to stay calm and silent instead of reacting impulsively.
"When you fight, one person is upset, the second should be cool. They should not open their mouth. That is a recipe for further fights,” she says.
This is a lesson in emotional maturity. Responding to anger with more anger is like pouring fuel on a fire. Silence, patience, and taking time to cool down can prevent wounds that careless words leave behind.
Practical takeaway: Agree on this simple rule with your partner: if one person is upset, the other will listen — or pause the conversation and come back to it when calmer. It sounds simple but it can save years of bitterness.
2. Embrace Imperfection: Both Theirs and Yours

Another refreshing truth Murty shared is the myth of perfection:
"Life is give and take. There’s no perfect life, no perfect couple. He comes along with his plus and minus. I have my own plus and minus.”
It’s astonishing how many marriages break under the weight of unrealistic expectations. The belief that your partner must always understand you, never make mistakes, or should always match your dreams, is a recipe for resentment.
A strong marriage is like a garden — it needs acceptance, pruning of unrealistic demands, and watering with patience and empathy. You don’t love because the person is perfect; you love because, despite the flaws, they are worth it.
Practical takeaway: Write down 5 things you love about your partner and 5 things that annoy you. Read both lists and remind yourself: “This is the whole package.” Love is choosing the whole person — every day.
3. Share the Load — It’s Everyone’s Home
In her third point, Murty touched upon something very relevant in today’s dual-income families:
"All men of this generation should help their wife in the kitchen. It is very important," she said.
Housework and caregiving have always been loaded disproportionately on women — even if they work long hours outside the home. Many women today juggle careers, children, aging parents, and home management, often without equal support.
Sudha Murty’s advice is not just about splitting chores; it’s about recognizing that running a home and nurturing a family is a shared responsibility. When both partners contribute, they build not just a tidy home but mutual respect.
Men who do this don’t lose masculinity — they earn admiration and become true partners.
"Men should share the burden of their wives in order to make the family happy and grow,” Murty says. A simple, powerful truth.
Practical takeaway: Sit down with your partner and honestly list all the unpaid work that keeps your home running. Is it divided fairly? If not, fix it — without excuses.
What Makes These Tips Golden? Sudha Murty’s advice is valuable because it is rooted in lived reality. She and Narayana Murthy built Infosys together while raising a family and staying grounded in their values. They didn’t outsource their marriage to time or luck — they made conscious choices, every day, to adapt, forgive, and grow.
These three tips are reminders that a marriage is not a fairytale but a craft. It must be shaped by kindness, humility, and shared effort.
When you accept fights as part of the journey, see flaws as human, and share the load as equals, you create a bond that is far more resilient than any wedding vow written in poetry.
Love Is a Verb It’s easy to say
“I love you” on an anniversary. It’s harder to bite your tongue when you’re furious. It’s harder to make your partner’s tea when you’d rather sleep in. It’s harder to stand by them when life tests you both.
But this is what makes a marriage beautiful: ordinary acts of extraordinary commitment. Sudha Murty’s golden tips remind us that a successful marriage is not about avoiding problems — it’s about holding hands and working through them.
After all, true love doesn’t just survive the years — it teaches you to grow together, with your pluses and minuses, day by day.