Marriage is not easy in the slightest. It requires you to have an immense amount of patience, care, and understanding with your partner, especially since you’ve chosen to spend your life with them. However, ask any wife and she’ll tell you: There are certain things that husbands do that can slowly start to drive you mad.
Okay, that might be an exaggeration. However, there are instances when the partnership in a marriage can evolve into a parent-child dynamic, and that’s never a good thing. Men who start exhibiting these behaviors need to pump the brakes because chances are high, if you’re doing these things, your wife may be starting to feel like your mom.
If your wife is the one who’s always responsible for planning date nights, family vacations, initiating difficult conversations, and mending wounds after conflict, then you should consider taking the lead once in a while. A marriage shouldn’t just be one person carrying the emotional weight of the relationship.
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“Emotional intimacy is the heart of a fulfilling and lasting relationship, and empathy can pave the way through it. In emotionally fulfilling marriages, partners continuously work on deepening their emotional connection,” explained psychologist Mark Travers. “Ultimately, the strength of a marriage lies not only in its ability to weather external challenges but also in how partners choose to turn toward each other in these vulnerable moments.”
A wife in this predicament ends up becoming the default decision-maker, which has her questioning whether she’s married to a man or a little boy. Learn how to regulate your own emotions so that you can show up for your wife in the ways that she’s showing up for you.
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Husbands who make everything about themselves instead of hearing their wives out and having a productive conversation will eventually have a wife who starts distancing herself. If the first words out of a husband’s mouth are how terrible he feels when his wife tries to tell him how she feels or what she needs, it can end up with her feeling as if her needs and emotions aren’t being met and, most importantly, validated.
Instead, husbands should be willing to listen first before getting defensive. Validate what your wife is trying to tell you before reacting. Let her have a space where she can be comforted, instead of burdened.
It might seem like a husband is doing the right thing by passing the torch to his wife to make all the decisions, but after a while, it can become irritating for her. He’s unintentionally putting all of the mental load on his wife instead of picking up the slack himself. By being indecisive, she’s now forced to be the adult in every single situation.
It’s better for men to actually have opinions and voice them. Have an opinion and be actively involved in decisions, even when it comes to what you’re having for dinner, what you’re going to do on the weekends, and the direction that you want your marriage to go in.
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By collapsing when your wife is being honest, she’ll soon start to feel that she’s not being listened to properly. The moment that she tries to speak her truth, only to be met with a brick-wall response, including shutting down, sulking, or getting defensive, she’ll soon start to keep things to herself.
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“Listening in relationships is an important way to promote better communication and conflict resolution,” explained psychology professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne. “By developing mindfulness skills, both of you can work toward greater fulfillment as a couple.”
Husbands and wives are supposed to support each other. That includes emotional support. That means having some hard conversations once in a while. Getting defensive doesn’t make it easier; it only gives you an out. It’s better to ask questions and get to the bottom of the conflict so you can move on than end up with a bigger problem.
Husbands who are always seeking validation and reassurance from their wives will end up in a one-sided relationship. Her emotional safety is just as important as yours. When it’s her turn to come to you and you aren’t supportive, she’ll start to feel as if she’s the only adult in the marriage.
Husbands and wives should work together to overcome challenges and hardships. When one partner does all the consoling and caretaking, the imbalance will become problematic. Comfort and care go both ways.
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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
