Dating as a single mom comes with its own host of problems, but what happens when the relationship progresses to the serious phase and your new partner becomes a live-in instead of just a boyfriend? Who makes and enforces the rules in this new territory? One mom facing this dilemma turned to Reddit for advice after her boyfriend told her his plans to start charging her 17-year-old son rent when they move in together.
Nowadays, with rent prices and the cost of living so high, it’s become common for young adults, especially teens just starting out, to stay home with their parents a little longer so they can save up to buy or rent a place. This mom’s boyfriend is not okay with that scenario, and now she’s wondering if his rent plan is actually a relationship red flag.
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In her Reddit post, the mom explained that she and her boyfriend have been together for almost three years, but they don’t live in the same place. He has two daughters, aged 29 and 22, who live with him.
Although the couple is still living apart, they have plans to marry and move in together, creating a blended family. When it comes to their views on parenting, especially their kids on the cusp of adulthood, their styles vary greatly, however.
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With the state of the current economy, it’s pretty normal for kids to forego college and either start working straight out of high school or consider other career options. Many stay home so they can save a bit of money since there are very few opportunities for independent living unless parents are willing to help.
This woman’s boyfriend doesn’t exactly subscribe to the idea of adult kids living at home without contributing. “He believes kids should be charged $600 per month rent as long as they’re not going to school,” she wrote. One of her concerns is that he charges the 29-year-old rent, even though she has Asperger’s, struggles with financial responsibility, and would have a hard time living independently. The 22-year-old is a college student close to graduating.
But here’s where the real conflict begins: she has a 15-year-old and a soon-to-be high school senior who is 17 and doesn’t plan on going to college. The older one wants to build a lawn-mowing business after graduation. Per her boyfriend’s logic, he would be required to pay rent instead of focusing on building his business.
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“I am not charging my child rent,” she said. “Even if I did, it would be much lower, and I’d probably put it back into a savings account. Maybe surprise them later when they move out.” She expressed her belief that charging younger ones rent feels like taking financial advantage of them.
The boyfriend, on the other hand, argued that if they don’t charge him rent, he’ll never want to leave. The mom doesn’t believe that, citing her own experience of wanting to move out after college. She added that she understood the situation with his 29-year-old, but since she has a disability, she shouldn’t be charged so much.
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The comments on the mom’s post were quite interesting. People began sharing their own stories about being charged money by their parents, and some of them were upsetting. “Unfortunately, some parents view their kids getting jobs as a way to, as my dad put it, ‘Pay back what you owe me for raising you,’” one user wrote.
That same user went on to say it felt unfair that their parents made them cover the entire rent. “I was expected to pay $1,000 per month while I was earning $1,200,” they added. Their parents’ reasoning? If they made it hard enough to stay, the kid would want to leave. The problem? All the money went to rent, so they couldn’t save up.
Obviously, that’s an extreme scenario, but it highlights the fact that there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to parenting, making successful blended families difficult. It’s actually a really good thing that this mom is thinking so far ahead when it comes to moving in with her boyfriend, because it gives them an opportunity to put their ducks in a row before butting heads when it comes to parenting.
According to RaisingChildren.net, teamwork and compromise are vital when it comes to a happy blended family. That means parents need to have a plan and neither parent can have a my way or the highway approach to household rules. That means this mom and her boyfriend need to figure out a kid rental agreement that they can both get behind. $600 might be a lot, but perhaps the compromise is that half of that amount goes to a high-yield savings account that the kids get when they eventually move out.
So, no, this woman’s boyfriend’s rent rules are not a red flag, but entering into a live-in situation before agreeing on the parenting and household rules is definitely a recipe for disaster. As long as this couple communicates and compromises, there’s no reason why their family can’t flourish.
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Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
