We are living in a time of moral decay, inhumanity and impunity. Constitutional institutions are losing their spine. Mob rule is on the rise. It’s routine for ‘justice’ to be delivered on the streets through brute force. And the system appears completely powerless — or unwilling — to stop the perpetrators. Caste cruelties are making a comeback, and the dignity of women is under constant assault.
If we look closely, we might notice a deeper shift in our attitude to social issues, in how we debate and reflect, in the shrinking space for serious thought and conversation. The possibility of engaging in civilised dialogue on any issue is vanishingly small. We seem to have neither the time nor the opportunity for thoughtful reflection. The very way in which issues are framed leave no room for dialogue — they take a form that is violent and intimidating or demoralising.
Take gender-based violence, for instance. React to it, and you’ll immediately be bombarded with questions based on religion or caste. Any criticism or dissent will be met with abuse and shaming. Speak of a shared heritage, and you’ll be threatened with sexual violence. Crimes are no longer seen as crimes — they are seen through the divisive lens of ‘us’ versus ‘them’, which shuts down dialogue.
What’s more, every time an incident of violence occurs, we channel all our energy into protecting the victims and confronting the culprits. But before we can catch our breath, another horrific case pulls our attention away. We are trapped in a reactive loop of incident-response-statement-action, leaving no room for deep conversation.
Intolerance and authoritarian tendencies are now so deeply institutionalised that most people have stopped even trying to understand different points of view. Forget engagement — we just want to impose our own beliefs. Those who still try to speak constructively face bullying and the fear of repression.
The intellectual and mental landscape we live in today has been manipulated to eliminate all space for real debate. As a result, even our intellectual life is beginning to resemble mob rule. A handful of people may still be trying to engage in serious discussion, but in an atmosphere like this, their voices are faint.
This is the context in which any discussion around gender equality must take place — and yes, it risks suffering the same fate. But despite the odds, it’s important that such conversations continue. The hope is that if different perspectives are heard and misunderstandings cleared, even a limited impact would be worthwhile.
As we talk about gender, let’s remember that gender isn’t just ‘male’ and ‘female’. There is a third gender as well, with its own challenges around equality and rights. This third gender includes the LGBTQ community. More on this another time. For now, let us focus on the male-female dynamic.
There are many schools of thought about gender equality, with differing views on how inequality began, what equality should look like, and how we get there. The discourses generally presume that men are cruel and a source of violence against women and the whole battle is against men. The agenda seems to be to defeat men and to snatch power from them. There is also a strong undercurrent of aspiration: that women must reach where men are and become like them. To gain their strength, their aggression, their power to dominate..
Perhaps that is why we have glorified the fierce, warrior-like depictions of women from mythology. Perhaps that is why, over the past few decades, we have even seen women take part in collective violence. And yet, despite all this, society still clings to the idea that women are naturally loving, tolerant and self-sacrificing.
Men, on the other hand, are supposedly brave, wise, patient and strong — qualities arrogated to them that seem to yield under the weight of power and ego. And still, we shy away from questioning these stereotypes — trapped in a tug-of-war where we want to break free of these labels even as we cling to them.
What should the struggle for gender justice aim at? Here are some thoughts to take the conversation forward:
• Gender equality does not mean that women must become what men are today. In a truly equal society, both women and men will break free of their traditional images. Apart from the physical differences that give rise to certain capacities or needs, men and women should be equally empowered in every other respect. Qualities like compassion, patience and nurturing won’t be seen as ‘feminine’ but rather as human traits, equally valued in men. Similarly, courage, strength and resolve will not be assumed to be exclusively ‘masculine’ virtues — they’ll belong to all.
• Gender equality also does not mean that men and women should simply swap roles as payback for historical injustice. Just because society once allowed men to dominate, be violent, or speak crudely does not mean that women must now do the same in the name of equality. In an equal society, toxic behaviour, aggressive posturing and a hunger for control — whether in the name of honour or anything else — will be considered unacceptable not just for women but for men as well. If men cry or show emotion, it won’t be mocked as ‘effeminate’ or ‘unmanly’ — these will be recognised as human emotions.
• Gender justice is not a battle against men. It’s not about breaking free of men or fighting or shaming them. Let’s be clear about this. What we’re up against is a system of thought — a social structure — that has moulded fixed ideas of what men and women should be. For generations, we’ve been forcing our children into these moulds without ever asking whether they made sense.
• The real struggle, then, is not between men and women but against the moulds that divide them, and the mindset that sustains those divisions. And because these roles are shaped by the same system, both men and women are its victims. Women are taught to be self-sacrificing and powerless, and they learn to take pride in their assigned role or to silently suffer it. Men are taught that they must always assert their power and never ‘submit’ — especially not to their wives. The idea that manhood means dominance is drilled into them, and they grow up clinging to this sense of ‘masculinity’.
• The real agenda of equality, then, is to break free of these stereotypes and start constructing a new social framework in which men and women are equal citizens with equal civic and human rights. Once we break out of this mould, women will stop aspiring to be goddesses, and men will stop trying to own them like gods. And just like that, the world of humans will become a more humane place. And this transformation won’t come from men and women fighting each other — but from both joining hands to fight the system together.
Roop Rekha Verma is an educationist, social activist and former vice chancellor of Lucknow University
