Last week, I was offered a board membership of a company that has created an app it intends to put on the market by November. Called BongBang, the app reportedly can, within a few seconds via a smartphone camera and recorder, differentiate Indian Bengalis from Bangladeshi Bengalis. If it does well in the market, it may also diversify - differentiating Gujarati Gujaratis from second generation African Gujaratis.
As it happened, I turned down the offer. Not so much on any ideological ground, as much for reasons that prove that I am rubbish in differentiating people. There was a time when I would be moderately proud of my 'gaydar' - my ability to spot gay people, especially men, who move among heteronormative folks as a LGBTQ fish swims in the straight sea. But after a misunderstanding some three decades ago involving a soiree that I had thought to be a gathering of classical music enthusiasts, I realised my gaydar was busted.
Then there was my trip to Tibet 15 years ago, where I was confident about my ability to tell Han Chinese people apart from Tibetans. It involved some mental algorithm about Han Chinese high cheekbones and rounder-cheeked Tibetans and me going inside the bus in Lhasa full of fellow Indian journalists: 'That one's Han! There, another Han! Those two Tibetans. Oh, that woman behind the lamppost, Han!' It turned out that my cheeky detection powers had no empirical basis, as our Chinese handler-guide confirmed in her deadpan-Han manner.
So, however accurate BongBang may be, my association with the app would not be beneficial, even though its company directors insisted that as an Indian Bengali social commentator (their description, not mine), I would be of help in pitching it to the union home ministry, Election Commission, and xenophobic Indian Bengali families living outside West Bengal.
But just because I turned down the offer, doesn't mean I can't share with you some key tips on how to spot Bangladeshi Bengalis in a sea of Indian ones.
1. The Bob Test: Put on a Rabindrasangeet - any Bob Tagore song, barring the national anthems of India and Bangladesh - and the Bangladeshi Bengali will be bound to bring up how great Lalon Fakir baul songs are, and how Kazi Nazrul Islam's music deserves more recognition. While the Indian Bengali will argue for 17 hours straight about whether Rabindranath is underrated or overrated.
2. Billy Ilish: While Indian Bengalis love ilish (hilsa), he or she will stand out by stating how the fish used to be tasty, but since the last 30 years (read: since he moved to Gurgaon or Goregaon), its 'quality has become abysmal'. Bangladeshi Bengalis will politely keep quiet.
3. Bengal vs India: The Bangladeshi Bengali who may be lurking in Bengaluru will, at some point, blurt out the fact that every Indian living in India are Indians, including Indian Bengalis. This 'mistake' will never be made by the Indian Bengali - whether in Kolkata or Delhi or Bhopal - who will 'naturally' categorise himself or herself as Bengali, who happens to be also Indian.
4. Partitioning: One variety of Indian Bengali with roots in 'opaar Bangla' - that side of Bengal - will wax eloquent about the two Rolls Royces, one mansion with an attached pond, and a pet elephant his or her great-grandfather had to leave behind around 1947. The West Bengal Bengali will roll his or her eyes on hearing this. The Bangladeshi Bengali will give the game away by putting on a poker face and suppressing a guffaw.
5. Language, Bapi! Some philologists in the West Bengal assembly and Indian parliament will point out how Bangladeshi Bengalis can be 'caught' by their referring to water as 'paani' and not 'jol', and to home as 'basha' and not 'baari'. But this is no longer a reliable indicator, as many Indian Bengalis, especially those living in states outside West Bengal, have picked up these 'East Bengali' linguisms. Instead, the Bangladeshi Bengali can give the game away if he or she speaks in Hindi. The average Indian Bengali is very likely to (proudly) maim the language. For the Bangladeshi Bengali, it'll be just another language.
Joy Bangla!
As it happened, I turned down the offer. Not so much on any ideological ground, as much for reasons that prove that I am rubbish in differentiating people. There was a time when I would be moderately proud of my 'gaydar' - my ability to spot gay people, especially men, who move among heteronormative folks as a LGBTQ fish swims in the straight sea. But after a misunderstanding some three decades ago involving a soiree that I had thought to be a gathering of classical music enthusiasts, I realised my gaydar was busted.
Then there was my trip to Tibet 15 years ago, where I was confident about my ability to tell Han Chinese people apart from Tibetans. It involved some mental algorithm about Han Chinese high cheekbones and rounder-cheeked Tibetans and me going inside the bus in Lhasa full of fellow Indian journalists: 'That one's Han! There, another Han! Those two Tibetans. Oh, that woman behind the lamppost, Han!' It turned out that my cheeky detection powers had no empirical basis, as our Chinese handler-guide confirmed in her deadpan-Han manner.
So, however accurate BongBang may be, my association with the app would not be beneficial, even though its company directors insisted that as an Indian Bengali social commentator (their description, not mine), I would be of help in pitching it to the union home ministry, Election Commission, and xenophobic Indian Bengali families living outside West Bengal.
But just because I turned down the offer, doesn't mean I can't share with you some key tips on how to spot Bangladeshi Bengalis in a sea of Indian ones.
1. The Bob Test: Put on a Rabindrasangeet - any Bob Tagore song, barring the national anthems of India and Bangladesh - and the Bangladeshi Bengali will be bound to bring up how great Lalon Fakir baul songs are, and how Kazi Nazrul Islam's music deserves more recognition. While the Indian Bengali will argue for 17 hours straight about whether Rabindranath is underrated or overrated.
2. Billy Ilish: While Indian Bengalis love ilish (hilsa), he or she will stand out by stating how the fish used to be tasty, but since the last 30 years (read: since he moved to Gurgaon or Goregaon), its 'quality has become abysmal'. Bangladeshi Bengalis will politely keep quiet.
3. Bengal vs India: The Bangladeshi Bengali who may be lurking in Bengaluru will, at some point, blurt out the fact that every Indian living in India are Indians, including Indian Bengalis. This 'mistake' will never be made by the Indian Bengali - whether in Kolkata or Delhi or Bhopal - who will 'naturally' categorise himself or herself as Bengali, who happens to be also Indian.
4. Partitioning: One variety of Indian Bengali with roots in 'opaar Bangla' - that side of Bengal - will wax eloquent about the two Rolls Royces, one mansion with an attached pond, and a pet elephant his or her great-grandfather had to leave behind around 1947. The West Bengal Bengali will roll his or her eyes on hearing this. The Bangladeshi Bengali will give the game away by putting on a poker face and suppressing a guffaw.
5. Language, Bapi! Some philologists in the West Bengal assembly and Indian parliament will point out how Bangladeshi Bengalis can be 'caught' by their referring to water as 'paani' and not 'jol', and to home as 'basha' and not 'baari'. But this is no longer a reliable indicator, as many Indian Bengalis, especially those living in states outside West Bengal, have picked up these 'East Bengali' linguisms. Instead, the Bangladeshi Bengali can give the game away if he or she speaks in Hindi. The average Indian Bengali is very likely to (proudly) maim the language. For the Bangladeshi Bengali, it'll be just another language.
Joy Bangla!
Indrajit Hazra
Editor, Views