Mansplainers, whether intending to or not, have the uncanny ability to make even the most composed academics feel like tantruming toddlers, but their condescension doesn’t have to go unchecked.
Communication expert and lawyer Vince Xu is of the mind that being a great conversationalist is something you can learn, and that includes becoming a pro at dealing with the most difficult personality types, including mansplainers. He argued that the most brilliant communicators know just how to finesse these patronizing prattlers and shut them down without even breaking a sweat.
Unsure of whether or not you’ve encountered a mansplainer in the wild? Licensed clinical social worker Kaytee Gillis described them as “typically” men who, more often than not, “unintentionally” explain things to women “in a manner that assumes she knows less or is incapable of understanding the subject.” Sound familiar?
If you’ve ever been mid-conversation with someone and suddenly felt like you were transported back to a grade school classroom, lawyer Vince has some brilliant suggestions that will shut them down immediately.
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Lawyer Vince explained, this “short,” but polite statement “cuts off the lecture” before wasting your time. You don’t have to be rude to get your point across; in fact, like the saying goes, “You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.”
It’s important to choose your words carefully and balance kindness with honesty. Keeping it conversational by using casual language and showing appreciation is a gentler way to shut down a mansplainer without creating drama or inciting anger.
As communication expert Jessica Chen explained, “Speaking up doesn’t have to be loud or combative. It just has to be intentional.”
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This phrase, lawyer Vince explained, “shifts the authority back to you without overexplaining.” The perfect example might be a co-worker approaching a joint project with authority when in reality you are the expert.
Perhaps they are trying to “teach” you how to properly make an Excel spreadsheet when you’ve got more experience and computer know-how. Instead of shaming them or scoffing, using this phrase allows you to conversationally take control without creating workplace drama.
According to Dr. Elizabeth Aura McClintock, a professor at the University of Notre Dame, mansplaining is “especially true when the woman is, in fact, more knowledgeable on the subject.”
She also wrote that one key issue with mansplaining is that it reinforces gender stereotypes about women’s capabilities. That’s why it’s important to shut the behavior down instead of just letting it continue without consequence.
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Again, lawyer Vince explained that this phrase “positions you as the authority backed by evidence.” Taking the weight of the disagreement off you and placing it on the facts is a perfect way to stop a mansplainer. It’s also incredibly helpful to find that common ground in letting them know you understand their perspective.
Communication expert Cinden Lester explained that when standing your ground without offending others, it’s vital to find that commonality to avoid conflict, but still assert yourself. She said, “Usually, there is a common aim or goal. Keeping this front-of-mind can help everyone find ways of working together to achieve successful outcomes.”
So next time someone starts mansplaining to you, try out one of these brilliant phrases. They deliver the message without being offensive, and as lawyer Vince stressed, allow you to take your authority back.
You don’t need to be rude, but they also don’t need to be condescending. It’s as simple as that.
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Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
