When you’re in a relationship, likely the last thing you want to do is cheat on the person you love, or worse, find out they’ve cheated on you. Despite the less-than-favorable attitude towards it, cheating is a common occurrence in today’s relationships. But outside of flat-out catching a cheating spouse, a study by Ashley Madison found that explorative questions about intimacy could be a sign that your partner is about to stray.
It’s easy to go into a relationship with rose colored glasses, thinking you or your partner will never find comfort in the arms of another. But a separate survey of over 1,300 people, also conducted by Ashley Madison, found that 41% of people in relationships have considered cheating on their partner. What’s more, another 64% percent have been cheated on themselves.
So what exactly should you be on the lookout for, then? The biggest sign someone is going to cheat on you comes packaged in a question like this:
“Can we try something new in bed?”
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Sure, it sounds innocent enough. But the emotions behind the question run deep and likely have been building up inside your partner long enough for them to find the courage to finally bring it up.
Take, for example, a first-hand account by a man named Dylan*, who admitted to cheating on his wife of five years. Dylan said that cheating happened only after he realized they were intimately “incompatible.” He explained, “I’m always very attentive and am vocal and communicative about our [intimacy] and what things we could try,” only to have her shoot his efforts down. “She never really comes to the table when it comes to [relations],” he said.
It’s important to note that women need healthy intimacy in their relationships, too. Sociologist Alicia M. Walker, author of “The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife,” spent time studying female infidelity and found that most of the women she spoke with were left wanting in the bedroom despite trying everything they could think of (“begging, pleading, inviting their husbands to therapy”) to improve it.
: 5 Ways To Spot A Serial Cheater Within A Week Of Meeting Them, According To Psychology
Unfortunately, the survey also revealed that far too many people are not receiving the satisfaction in the bedroom they feel they need, with over half of the respondents revealing that they’re not fulfilled in their current relationship — 52%, to be exact.
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According to Paul Keable, VP of Communications at Ashley Madison, this lack of connection is what leads people to sites like theirs. “What we find is that just because someone cheats, it doesn’t mean they are in an unhappy marriage altogether,” he said. “It sometimes means they seek out that one missing component, be it intimacy or excitement, and they don’t want to abandon an otherwise satisfying relationship.”
There’s no magic formula when it comes to how much or what kind of intimacy you should have, but according to the survey, more than half of men and women are looking for more. Ultimately, it will vary with every relationship, and it is up to you and your partner to keep the lines of communication open. If you can’t talk about what you want, then you can’t get what you want.
: 8 Ways Married People ‘Kinda Cheat’ On Each Other Without Actually Cheating
Micki Spollen is YourTango’s Editorial Director. Micki has her Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism & Media Studies from Rutgers University and over 10 years of experience as a writer and editor covering astrology, spirituality, and human interest topics.
