Everyone would agree that being a single parent is incredibly difficult. When you become a single parent because your partner passes away, it’s even more painful. One woman found herself in this exact situation, having lost her husband to an accident and trying to raise her 12- and 8-year-old kids on her own.
Circumstances like this are when having a village is really helpful. Unfortunately, this woman’s village consisted of her mother, grandmother, and sister, who were not only unreliable, but also toxic, and, in the case of her mother, abusive. She shared her story in a Reddit post to ask if she had handled a situation incorrectly, when it was clear the only person to blame was her mom.
“My son was sick yesterday, and my mom offered to babysit for me since I couldn’t miss work,” the daughter explained. She shared that since her husband passed away, her family has faced a lot of financial struggles. Because of this, her mom and sister are her primary babysitters because all she has to pay them is basically the equivalent of gas money.
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The plan was for her mom to take her sick 8-year-old to her house to watch him. However, the boy has “severe ADHD and autism” and “hates going to her house.” She stated, “When she comes to get him, he has a meltdown because he doesn’t want to go to her house.”
At that point, everything simply fell apart. Her mother began berating her because “she is under a lot of stress” since her other daughter and own mother live with her and do not work. The widow said she often takes this frustration out on her. “Now she says she will not babysit for me again so I can know true struggle, which if she follows through means I have to miss a bunch of work or find a sitter I can trust that won’t break my bank,” she said.
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The woman added an update to her post later that day with some disturbing information that showed her mom’s true character. She said her mom “showed up before my lunch break and demanded to talk to me, and when my boss said no, my mom lost it and started screaming at her so loudly I could hear down the hall from my classroom.”
She described her mom’s demeanor, and it was nothing short of verbally abusive. She recalled that she was “calling me all sorts of names and cussing with every other word.”
She continued, “We ended up having to talk to the police on my mother because she was refusing to leave, and they came and escorted her off the property.” This isn’t exactly the best choice in babysitters for two grieving kids.
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It’s heartbreaking that this woman thought she might be in the wrong in some way after her mom acted the way that she did. Clearly, her mother believes her problems are bigger than everyone else’s and that no one understands “true struggle” the way that she does. This mindset has led to her acting abusive towards her daughter, who desperately needs support.
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“Child abuse usually begins during childhood, but it might continue into the adulthood of the child if it is enabled or tolerated,” clinical psychologist Daniel S. Lobel, PhD, noted. “Allowing other people to hurt you, even your parent, is extremely unhealthy and damaging to your sense of well-being and your self-esteem.”
This woman did nothing wrong. Instead, it was her mom who was in the wrong. The way she treated her daughter was seriously out of line, and even extended to her colleagues. She is abusive, and her daughter needs to set firm boundaries so this behavior doesn’t continue.
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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
