We often think that love only means the feeling of butterflies, the first kiss and walking hand in hand. But the reality comes out when two people start living together. Then sharing the rent with love, paying the bills and sometimes even bearing someone’s burden becomes a part of the relationship.
According to a report published in India Today, as living in metro cities is becoming expensive, a new kind of relationship is being born -‘Hobosexual relationship’. This is a relationship where along with love, the search for shelter and resources is also associated. This question arises. Does your partner really love you or is he just using you for convenience?
Dr. Chandni Tugnait, psychiatrist and founder of Gateway of Healing, explains, “Hobosexuality is not born out of greed, but out of need. While a ‘gold digger’ builds a relationship by planning, a ‘hobosexual’ goes to someone’s shelter because he has no other option. According to Dr. Tugnait, in today’s urban life where rents are skyrocketing, jobs are unstable. And loneliness has become an epidemic, so many people look to relationships as a form of security and support.
At first glance, a hobosexual relationship may seem like ‘gold digging’ – financial dependence, imbalance and emotional burden. But there is a difference in the mentality of both. Dr. Tugnait says, “The gold digger is driven by a sense of entitlement and profit, while the hobosexual is driven by fear and insecurity. One wants security, the other fame.” She adds, “Both reflect unfulfilled needs, but their psychological roots are completely different.”
So how to understand whether your partner is true or is with you only for convenience? Dr. Tugnait says the answer lies in “continuity and reciprocity.” “True love is seen through emotional presence, effort and responsibility, not just money. When a person stands by you even in difficult times, he is a true partner,” he said.
He shared two stories. A man realized that as soon as he stopped spending, his partner’s love also ended. In another case, a woman took care of her partner during financial hardship and proved that emotional investment is bigger than money.
‘Yes, absolutely,’ says Dr Tugnait. If both partners honestly talk about money, space and power, such a relationship can be balanced. ‘If dependence is honestly transformed into interdependence (mutual support), then the relationship becomes stronger. But if there’s guilt or hidden anger involved, it can become toxic,” she explained. She added, “Don’t try to ‘save’ your partner from every crisis. Set boundaries, be aware, and promote self-reliance. “Mercy does not mean sacrificing oneself.”
In conclusion, Dr. Tugnait says, “The hobosexual wants security, shelter, and companionship; the gold digger wants money, power, or fame.” Where the hobosexual is grateful for stability, the gold digger considers luxury his entitlement. “You can recognize it in the little things. In gratitude, honesty and contribution,” she says. “The hobosexual admits his weakness, while the gold digger hides it.”
