Towards the end of each year, people start to reflect. Not only on the year that’s passed, but also on their lives. This is especially prevalent in older adults, and it can often lead to aging anxiety, which refers to the feeling of time speeding up and the shrinking of possibilities.
Recent data from DateMyAge, an online platform for making age-positive connections, revealed that Google searches have surged for “fear of aging,” “aging anxiety,” and “midlife crisis signs” in the month of October. If you’ve also been mulling over any of these things, you’re not alone.
Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, a therapist and resident expert at DateMyAge, has some tips on how to change your perspective about age and stop worrying about getting older.
Don’t let others put you in a box and tell you what you can or can’t do. Your age doesn’t equate to your knowledge, your resilience, or your ability to do things, and you’ll surely enjoy proving others wrong.
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According to Bronstein, “When someone tells you, ‘You’re too old for that,’ quip back, ‘According to who?’ Not only does it feel good to bite back against bias, but it’s also a form of cognitive reframing — interrupting those negative thoughts and emotions before they have a chance to establish themselves in your mind.”
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Age shouldn’t be seen as a limitation when it’s truly a source of power. We might feel invincible in our younger years, but it’s not until we’re older that we begin to reach our full potential. In fact, Davangere P. Devanand, MD, director of geriatric psychiatry and a professor of psychiatry and neurology at Columbia University Vagelos College of Physicians and Surgeons, explained, “Older people have less emotional volatility and a better understanding of relationships and have figured out strategies for different situations — what we call wisdom.”
“Jane Fonda famously called her later years her ‘third act,’ and that’s the attitude we all need,” Bronstein suggests. “Keep telling yourself you’re not old; you’re experienced. Repeat it daily, and self-doubt will soon become self-belief.”
Your time isn’t up just because you’re getting older. As the saying goes, “it’s never too late to try new things.” Filling your schedule with different hobbies and activities gives your life meaning and leaves less time to think negative thoughts.
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Bronstein says, “There’s still plenty of life that you haven’t experienced. Whether it’s learning to cook, taking on a sport, or starting a side hustle, keep seeking out new experiences, and your later years will always be full of new beginnings. Learning new things keeps your brain active and helps you to feel full of life.”
Your experience comes with credibility, and it automatically commands respect from others. You have so much to offer to younger generations, and you have a wonderful opportunity to help others through mentoring, teaching, and setting an example.
“You are older, that’s a fact. But that doesn’t mean you’re past it. In fact, you’re in your prime, and you have the wisdom, experience, and know-how to help those younger than you,” Bronstein assures. “Not only does that reframe your age as a positive, but studies show that older adults who see themselves as role models project more confidence. Embrace your life experiences and use them to inspire people who could benefit from your learnings.”
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It won’t do you any good to only focus on the accomplishments of younger generations. Instead, shift your mindset to finding older people to admire and look up to. People do some pretty cool things in all stages of life, and you’ll likely feel more inspired watching someone your age.
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Bronstein encourages, “There are 90-year-olds running marathons and going viral on TikTok — You’re never too old, despite what people say. Whenever someone tells you you can’t or shouldn’t do something, jot it down and find an example of someone older who has already proved them wrong. After all, bias can’t argue with facts.”
Remain present in your personal, professional, and social life. Your ideas and opinions deserve to be heard as much as anyone else’s, and others will value what you bring to the table, no matter what age you are.
Bronstein shares, “Don’t let bias tell you where you aren’t welcome. Put yourself out there in places where your age group is underrepresented – post on LinkedIn, share on social media, and join a fitness class. Exposure therapy builds thick skin, and you’ll need it to brush ageism off.”
Rather than focusing on the downsides of getting older, consider the advantages. How much wiser and calmer are you now than you were five, ten, or even twenty years ago? Think about all the things you understand better about yourself and the world.
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“Some traits are only learned with time and experience,” according to Bronstein. “Age is just a number, but patience, resilience, and perspective actually mean something – and research shows that by focusing on the positives, age has far less impact on your confidence and self-esteem. Focus on the present moment, and your life will infinitely improve.”
Most of the time, we’re our own worst critics. Don’t judge yourself for something that is unavoidable. Talk kindly to yourself and keep in mind all the wonderful things you have done and all the potential you still have.
As Bronstein says, “As well as challenging bias in others, it’s essential to challenge it in yourself too – reflect on the language you use, and reframe it to be more positive. Words are powerful; use them wisely. How you perceive and present yourself will shape how others perceive you.”
Getting older can be scary, but the good news is that you don’t have to go through it alone. Your family and friends are always there for you, but if you need somewhere else to share your thoughts, find a therapist or support group to talk to.
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Bronstein claims, “Internalized ageism thrives in isolation, and psychologists say that group belonging is by far the most potent antidote against stigma. So get yourself out there and make some friends who refuse to let their age dictate their lives. If you’re young at heart, you will always find ways to have fun with those around you and enjoy life together.”
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Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor’s degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
