We’re all familiar with the idea of a “girl code,” or the concept that there are certain rules girls should never break in their friendships and general interactions with each other. While guys who break the similar “bro code” are prone to physically fighting, girl code violations typically lead to excluding someone from social situations. Writing for Psychology Today, Jen Kim explained the thinking of evolutionary psychologists on this matter. “Women don’t fight with their fists, because they must conserve energy for reproduction and childbearing,” she said. “So they show their strength by threatening other females with social exclusion, a surprisingly effective weapon, given how low the chances of survival or mating are for social animals in exile.”
There are a lot of different opinions about what the girl code should entail. One Redditor asked women to share “the girl code you won’t break ever,” and she got some interesting responses. As Kim pointed out in her article, the girl code may seem strange and exclusionary to some, but it really shows that women are there for each other and have each other’s backs. Some of the Reddit users’ responses showed just how close the girl code keeps them.
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Perhaps one of the most basic elements of the girl code is that women help out other women when they need it. An example of this is holding a bathroom stall door that won’t lock.
Who hasn’t experienced that sinking feeling that comes with rushing into the last unoccupied bathroom stall just to find it doesn’t actually lock? Women have each other’s backs when this happens. Instead of leaving each other helpless, the next girl in line to use the bathroom will kindly hold the door closed, no questions asked.
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Every woman probably has a story they can share of a time they felt creeped out by a guy who just wouldn’t leave them alone. As one Redditor said, “If a random woman I do not know comes up to me and starts talking to me as though we’ve been homies for years, then we’ve been homies for years. I’ve had quite a few women come up to me and my friends for safety to get away from someone.”
Sian Ord, part of Relationships Australia’s NSW family safety program, shared, “One of the fundamental drivers of male violence is a patriarchal value system that has its basis in gender inequality, where men hold more power than women in our society. In that system, men are socialized to be dominant and in charge, to never show vulnerability or look for healthy ways to express their emotional experience. Men learn that anger and aggression are socially acceptable in many ways.”
Men are quite literally taught by society to believe that acting aggressively isn’t just okay, but that it’s actually normal. For this reason, they think they can approach and intimidate women. Women rely on other women who have been there themselves to get them out of these situations.
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If a woman has something stuck in her teeth, she can easily run into the bathroom and deal with that quickly. But if her dress is wrinkled, there’s really nothing that can be done. One girl code women stick to is knowing to alert another woman when something is off about her appearance that she can easily fix. After all, she likely didn’t know about it in the first place. But if it’s not something that can be easily fixed, there’s no use in bringing it up. It won’t do anything but make her insecure.
To back up this idea, clinical psychologist Dr. Desta shared her own five-second rule. “The five-second rule is simple,” she said. “You can comment on any aspect of someone’s appearance if and only if they can change it in five seconds.” Someone probably didn’t even realize that half of their shirt came untucked. But you can’t exactly change the color of your eyeshadow in five seconds flat. Women know that sometimes, it’s just not right to say something because you’ll do more harm than good.
Throughout the course of life, some people are going to be cheated on. It’s unfortunate, but it’s nonetheless true. But one woman had a helpful outlook on who to blame if you find yourself in this situation. “If a guy cheats on me with a girl and she didn’t know about me when it happened, then she and I are not enemies,” one Redditor said. “It’s 100% on him and not her.”
Interestingly, a study from Cardiff Metropolitan University concluded that women who have been cheated on are more likely to blame the other woman, while men who have been cheated on are more likely to blame their cheating wife herself. This definitely doesn’t follow the girl code. Women who keep the girl code in mind know that it’s the cheater’s fault, and the other woman might not have even known.
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Unlike other aspects of the girl code that have to do with avoiding bad situations, this is a positive one. One woman on Reddit shared, “I always tell a woman if I think an item of clothing or hair style or hair color or accessories look stunning on her.” Think about how good it makes you feel when someone compliments you out of the blue. Exactly.
Referring to recent research, Cornell University social psychologist Vanessa Bohns said, “Many of us have moments where we notice and appreciate something about another person — perhaps we like what they are wearing, or we were really impressed by their presentation — but we keep our appreciation to ourselves, rather than sharing it. This research offers an explanation for why: In the moment, we tend to forget how good a simple, even awkwardly delivered, compliment will make another person feel.”
There are way too many stories about bad things happening to drunk women who were left alone for whatever reason. Maybe her date left her, or her friends abandoned her. Whatever happened, those women are easy prey for people with ill intentions, especially men. Women don’t necessarily feel the need to become best friends with every lonely, drunk woman they come across, but they keep a watchful eye on them and make sure no one lures them away or takes advantage of them.
Let’s be real, period products are expensive. It can be hard to make sure you’re always in possession of them. Adding the dubious nature of menstruation to the mix means it’s even harder for women to ensure they have those products with them when they need them. But, as one Reddit user said, it shouldn’t be a problem. “If someone asks for a pad/tampon and you have a spare?” she asked. “You. Give. It. To. Them. Doesn’t matter if they’re your [number one] enemy. You give it to them.”
Jennifer Weiss-Wolf, co-founder of Period Equity and vice president for the Brennan School of Justice at NYU School of Law, called the so-called pink tax an “income-generating scenario for private companies who found a way to make their product look either more directed to or more appropriate for the [female] population and saw that as a moneymaker.” Life is hard enough without worrying about being able to afford your feminine hygiene products. Giving them freely when they’re needed is an ultimate representation of the girl code.
The girl code isn’t the same for every woman, and not every woman would claim to follow the girl code. However, women do tend to look out for each other. The little things they do to take care of each other and make sure everyone is safe speak volumes about how women actually build each other up more than they tear each other down.
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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
