For Gen Xers, many of them had to grow up figuring out life on their own. That mindset has managed to help them in many ways, but might have also given them some bad habits as well. The habits that Gen X picked up to survive didn’t always translate as smoothly as they would’ve thought once they became adults. What once felt like a strength might have become a detriment.
In a TikTok video, a content creator named Kristen shared that certain Gen X habits haven’t translated well as they’ve gotten older. Calling them “blind spots,” Kristen, a fellow Gen Xer, spoke from experience, promising that she was coming from a place of awareness.
Kristen explained that Gen Xers calling everything drama comes from a place of them not feeling anything at all. If an emotion takes more than 30 seconds to explain, Gen X just shuts down and labels it as “dramatic.”
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“That’s not emotional maturity,” she insisted. “That’s survival. We learnt early that the safest way to deal with our feelings was to avoid them altogether.” The problem with suppressing emotions is that burying them deep inside doesn’t mean they just magically go away. In fact, they tend to fester and eventually bubble over, exploding at an uncomfortable or undesignated time. Being able to accept and notice the presence of an emotion, even when it’s uncomfortable, can help inform our behavior, according to psychotherapist Katherine (Schreiber) Cullen.
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“Most of that silence wasn’t wisdom, it was self-protection,” Kristen asserted. “Staying quiet kept the peace when we were kids, so we carried it into adulthood. But staying silent when something matters doesn’t make you neutral. It just means you disappeared from the conversation.”
Gen X learned that staying quiet meant things wouldn’t escalate. But now, as adults, they’ve gotten used to just shutting their mouths even when they feel strongly about something. But being assertive doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to be rude or dismissive. It just means that you’re being vocal about your needs, while also learning how to communicate better and even helping control your stress levels, according to research from the National Institute of Health.
Kristen insisted that Gen X enjoy being able to say they don’t want attention and act as if they’re grounded when, in reality, it usually comes from wanting to avoid responsibility. Not wanting to be seen doesn’t automatically mean that you’re accountable. “Especially when your voice is actually needed,” Kristen pointed out.
“Gen X grew up in an era where being unimpressed was a personality trait, so we Learned to roll our eyes at everything. But cynicism isn’t insight, it’s exhaustion that hardened into a world view,” explained Kristen.
The constant skepticism can just drain the joy out of life. When you’re constantly just expecting disappointment and for things to not turn out the way you want, you’ve stopped giving yourself any kind of permission to be excited about things. With everything happening in the world right now, holding on to your whimsy might be the one thing that we should all be prioritizing. Just allowing ourselves to believe in hope and that the right outcome will always happen.
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“We probably say I don’t expect much from people as if that emotional clarity puts us somehow higher. But low expectations aren’t wisdom,” Kristen affirmed. “They’re a shield. We built young because depending on anyone never felt safe.”
Those low expectations can limit how Gen X allows themselves to connect with others. When you assume that everyone will just end up disappointing or betraying you, you’re simply keeping yourself at a distance from other people. Even from those who genuinely want to show up for you with the best intentions.
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“We think we’re avoiding conflict when we’re actually avoiding connection,” Kristen pointed out. “This is another big one, Gen X. Gen X hates conflict because nobody mediated ours and we never Learned how to.”
Kristen pointed out that avoiding hard conversations is never about keeping the peace. When you constantly shove things underneath a rug, it’s not as if that completely gets rid of the problem anyway. Instead, it just removes you from the relationship entirely. When you really care about someone, you want to address the issues so that they can be resolved, and you two can move on.
“We think we’ve been forgotten when really we stepped out of the room,” Kristen said. “Gen X has this deep sense of invisibility, and we talk about it a lot. But a lot of that came from making ourselves invisible on purpose. Keeping our heads down felt safer than taking up space.”
None of that means Gen X is deeply flawed or weak at all. Every single generation has its strengths and weaknesses, but it all comes from this place of needing to survive rather than opening up and being vulnerable. There’s a huge difference between just trying to get through life and actually participating in it.
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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
