Divorce can be incredibly traumatizing and devastating, whether or not you’re separating from a toxic partner or “the good guy.” But divorcing “the good guy” comes with a whole different kind of pain because there’s usually no dramatic betrayal. On the outside, he looks like the exact partner that you should feel grateful for, but the truth is, being good and kind isn’t always the same as being compatible.
In a TikTok video, a woman named Lindsey admitted that after 21 years with her husband, she decided to get a divorce. However, Lindsey affirmed that her husband wasn’t a bad guy at all, but he just wasn’t the kind of partner that she could continue to stay with.
In Lindsey’s initial video, she explained that while her husband wasn’t terrible, there were some things she would tell people that would send them “into orbit.” One of those things was that he never told her that he loved her.
It was something that she had accepted, but now she sees it as her just settling. What ended up happening was her being in an emotionally neglectful marriage. While it was not intentional, she began to resent him.
“I didn’t divorce him because of anything other than I was not happy,” Kristen explained in a follow-up video. “I told him for years that he would be an excellent partner for someone, just not me. I just did not feel like we were a good fit for each other.”
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Despite how much of a “good guy” her husband was, he wasn’t like that with her. He was good to everyone else but her. Kristen admitted that she had left the marriage because she wasn’t happy and had checked out of the relationship long before she even realized how unhappy she was.
When she would talk about her feelings with other family members, they would try to encourage her to wait, but nobody was in that marriage except for her. She felt it was only fair to leave once she realized how unhappy she was.
“We’ve been married eight years, and I think our wedding day was the last time that he looked at me and said ‘I love you,'” Kristen recalled. “Like he didn’t say it when he got off the phone. He didn’t say it. That does not mean he did not show me in other ways that he loved me.”
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In a TikTok video, another content creator named Valerie Jones shared her thoughts on women feeling guilty for leaving their “good guy” partner. Jones emphasized the importance of women not being blamed for initiating divorce.
“You are not doing anything wrong by saying my happiness lies in a different path. But what you are doing is you are doing the right thing,” Jones said. “By staying, even though you wanna leave, you are misleading him, and you’re keeping him from finding the happy, healthy relationship that he deserves as well.”
Most women may not even really be feeling guilt when they divorce “the good guy,” but instead, it’s the discomfort of making a choice that they know will be hard on somebody else. It’s the discomfort of making a choice that is in direct alignment with your truth and your values. It’s going to be uncomfortable at first, but at the end of the day, you’ll feel so much lighter once you’ve made up your mind and followed through on it.
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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
