A mom anonymously confessed that she hates having more than one child. Although initially startling, her revelation was incredibly relatable to many other parents.
Posting her dilemma to the UK-based parenting forum Mumsnet, the mom questioned whether she was being unreasonable for wishing she still just had one. Parenting isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. There are a lot of difficult moments in between the loving ones. The more parents are open and honest about the hard times and even the regrets, the easier it will be to find support and help.
“Having more than one is honestly feeling like the worst mistake I’ve made, and I think it’s making me quite depressed,” she admitted in her post.
“Life is so hard, and I look at people with one child all the time and feel so jealous. I love them both so much but I hate parenting them both.”
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She explained that if all three of them try to go somewhere together, it’s usually ruined because one of her kids will suddenly throw a tantrum or make a scene. It’s gotten to the point where she sometimes thinks about how life would’ve been if she’d just had one child. She said she longs for the time to enjoy other things and for more places to go.
“All the ties and limits and restrictions lifted. Thought it would get better but it hasn’t and now believe it won’t,” she continued. Many parents were quick to jump into the comments section of this mom’s post and admit that they’ve had similar experiences.
The struggle of raising more than one child is far from being unusual. Parents of more than one child, especially if they’re close in age, sometimes long for the simplicity of having to parent only one child.
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According to Bowling Green State University’s National Center for Family & Marriage Research, the percentage of women 40 to 44 who have one child nearly doubled from 10% in 1980 to 19% in 2022. Similarly, the Pew Research Center found that the average American family downsized from 3.7 children in 1960 to 1.9 currently, and about 20% of households with children are one-child families.
Single-child families are now becoming more common than ever. Much of that can be attributed to the fact that raising a child right now is expensive. Everything from diapers and baby formula to daycare and nanny costs is becoming wildly unaffordable, meaning most people are either not trying to have kids or just want to be one-and-done.
“Until the last decade or so, the widely embraced family consisted of two children. But the times have changed. This once-preferred family is not feasible for, or desired by, a large swath of the population today,” explained social psychologist Susan Newman.
“Even when a larger family is desired or hoped for, the trend toward one-child families is driven by a changed society and influenced by financial concerns or infertility, and women wanting (or needing) to be in the workforce.”
Parents feeling guilt about having more than one child is far more common than many people would like to admit. While society has romanticized the idea of having big families, it’s becoming less feasible now, and there’s simply nothing wrong with wanting to do what’s right for you.
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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
