A woman says she developed a gambling addiction thanks to her period that left her with no money for essentials. Kiki Marriott would spend up to three days a week, for 24 hours at a time, gambling her earnings away.
In one sitting, the 40-year-old would lose anywhere between £20 to £1,000 depending on how much she had won. It left the mum unable to eat or put the heating on as she could no longer afford to.
In search of answers – and to overcome her addiction – she went to rehab and joined multiple groups to speak with women in the same position as her. And while there, she discovered that her issues with gambling all stemmed from one thing; her period.
“When I’m due on, I have zero patience and tolerance for life at times,” said Kiki, from London. “It makes it much more difficult to have the energy and want to engage with people. My emotions are so heightened that everything feels overwhelming and like I’m drowning.
“I just wanted escapism from it all; so I gambled. I began to track how I was feeling at different times of my cycle and then I worked on what I needed in those weeks of my recovery to keep me stable.
“I started not to feed my impulsive thoughts and feelings – and not to hit that f**k it button. It was all my hormones and the urge soon passed.”
Kiki, a peer aid mentor volunteer, bought her first scratch card aged 16. She can’t remember exactly how much she’s spent on gambling, though says her biggest loss is her “soul”.
When it began to impact her daily life, in 2023, Kiki began to feel suicidal, isolated and alone. She also became stuck in a cycle of borrowing money from friends and even took “hundreds” from her ex-boyfriend to fund the addiction.
Despite him being upset, no legal action was taken and so Kiki worked to pay the money back quickly. In December 2023, when she tried to take from them again, she knew something needed to change and phoned GamCare’s helpline.
She said: “I was broken and sick of my own behaviour. “I was referred to rehab and now I’ve not gambled in almost two years. I very rarely get urges now; but when I do, I know it’s because I don’t want to actually gamble.
“It’s because I’m trying to avoid some type of feeling. So I’m brutally honest with myself in those moments.”
Kiki says her addiction has left her with many regrets; though she’s thankful for the experience as she can now help other people in the same situation.
She added: “Gambling changed everything about me. I have to live with the decisions I made at that time. But it’s made me into the person I am today.
“I think more conversations need to happen, as well as tools and methods that can be used throughout certain times in a women’s cycle. Make that first step – whether it's a referral or a call. It’ll be the best decision you’ve ever made.
“To run through fear, if you’re already at rock bottom, you’ve got nothing to lose by trying. I was drowning in the shame of my decisions. But I’m worth giving myself a chance – and I’m so glad that I did.”
Samaritans (116 123 in UK and Ireland) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you're feeling, or if you're worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org.
You can find help and advice with gambling at GamCare.
