Finding love isn’t easy, but new research has found that yo-yo-dating isn’t the best route to happily ever after either. In fact, research found that women who refuse to get back together with an ex usually have a better life experience overall.
The modern dating scene is a battlefield, with many seeking someone willing to invest effort, commitment, and consistency in a long-term partnership. Sometimes, when things don’t work out, it’s easy to keep trying with an ex because of the time and effort invested. Unfortunately, it’s rare for a failed relationship to work out the second or even third time around.
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Familiarity in an old relationship and a lack of accepting the holes in that relationship can sometimes lead people back to each other, even if it isn’t always for the best. Writing for PsyPost about the new study, journalist and psychologist Eric W. Dolan explained, “When couples carry unresolved issues into a renewed relationship, they likely have fewer emotional reserves to navigate new challenges.” Therefore, the desire to fix something lost in the past hinders the couple’s growth.
Researchers René Dailey, Amber Vennum, and Kale Monk studied on-again-off-again couples and their psychological well-being compared with that of consistent, stable relationships, and found that women who avoided the on-again-off-again nature of yo-yo dating with an ex had better overall Read than women who went back with an ex.
Dailey explained, “The stress from conflict or aggression experienced in initial phases of the relationship may not necessarily be resolved when reconciling after a breakup. This could make it more difficult to navigate new or recurring stressors and increasingly compromise partners’ mental health.” It’s a bandage that keeps opening because there is no new adhesive to support the underlying wounds.
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Women post-breakup enter a state of healing that must be worked through, although excruciating mentally and physically. Getting back into dating harbors rejection, turn-offs, and an unsatisfying set of expectations. Yet it’s a time to gather, regroup, and channel energy into new connections, not based on a past partner, but on the openness to the trial-and-error of dating.
Emily James, Ph.D., offers insight into her experience with clients who have come out of relationships and are ready to take the next step toward finding their life partner. She noted, “In stepping away from a transactional mindset and adopting one that allows for imperfection, surprise, and serendipity, we may just rediscover the joy of authentic connection.”
These emotions and nuances are fleeting psychological feelings rather than tumultuous, chronic symptoms lying in prolonged situational relationships. Women should seek consistent, symmetrical relationships with greater potential than in the past. Psychologist Theresa E. DiDonato noted, “Relationships come with clarity and the promise of a future; situationships [and exes] do not.”
Dating is intended to form a relationship. The women ready to do so will find the connections in front of them in time, and not a phone number that was once a contact.
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Emi Magaña is a writer from Los Angeles with a bachelor’s in English. She covers entertainment, news, and the real human experience.
