Tran Thi Thuy An, 34, of Vinh Long Province moved to Australia 10 years ago. Six years later she divorced and became a single mother.

She rented a room in Adelaide, Australia, working at a preschool during the day and taking an evening job to make some extra money.

Despite her busy schedule, she made time for yoga, studied investing and read about relationship psychology, determined not to repeat past mistakes. She rose from being a staff member to a manager at the preschool.

During the years following her divorce, she turned to dating apps to find a partner. At first, she let her emotions guide her. She once went on a date in 40-degree Celsius heat with a man who “couldn’t even buy his date a drink.”

Though she felt something was wrong, she continued seeing him until she realized the effort was one-sided. An soon recognized a common issue with dating apps: They create the illusion of endless choices, which can make users impatient and less serious, always thinking a better match is one swipe away.

She then decided to focus on quality instead of quantity. Learning from past experience, she updated her profile with the goal of finding a long-term relationship.

She set clear criteria for values, understanding and life direction. She also paid for premium features to screen matches in advance. People looking for casual relationships were filtered out immediately. Her process was structured.

She spent about a month texting, followed by a video call to verify information, before agreeing to meet. She also shared her location with a friend before each date for safety.

Over three years, she spoke with about 20 people and met five. One worked in the air force and was kind but too independent for her need for connection. Another, four years younger, was caring but lacked the maturity she wanted.

Thuy An takes wedding photos with her husband in Sa Pa in early 2026. Photo courtesy of the family

“I realized love alone is not enough; compatibility in values is what matters,” she says. She deleted and reinstalled dating apps multiple times when she could not find the right person. Instead of settling for the wrong person to avoid loneliness, she focused on improving herself

In early 2025, she connected with Alexander Spanton, 32, a data analyst in Brisbane, Australia. “At first, I was impressed by her long message explaining what she was looking for in a partner,” he says.

Her seriousness matched his intentions, he says. Their first date lasted six hours. An had brought a list of questions about marriage, finances and life goals. Spanton answered all of them and later deleted his dating apps to show commitment. An says: “He was respectful. He didn’t hold my hand until the third date.”

The relationship moved quickly. Spanton not only cared for her but also showed attention to her son.

Single mother’s strategy for finding a husband after 3 years of using dating apps

After one month of dating she suggested they should jointly get a mortgage to buy a house. He agreed. “That showed trust and seriousness on both sides,” he says.

Less than a month later they moved into a three-bedroom, 150-square-meter home in Brisbane. When he learned that she valued care shown through actions, he began helping with daily tasks like cooking and preparing fruit.

He also started learning Vietnamese to connect with her family. His goal was to grow professionally and provide financial support so that she could focus on her interests.

In return, An often expresses appreciation and encouragement, knowing her husband values recognition in a relationship. She also cooks Vietnamese dishes for him every evening.

In early 2026, the couple returned to Vietnam to visit her family. Her grandmother, Nguyen Thi Nhan, says she was happy to see her granddaughter find love again. “Alex is lovely. He insists on cooking and washing dishes for me.”

Looking back, An believes women should change their mindset after a breakup. “When a woman has knowledge and confidence, the right person will come.”