Having a family member diagnosed with a life-threatening disease can be such a difficult experience, not only for the individual who’s sick but for their entire family.
Sometimes, the stress and pressure of seeking costly treatment can drive a wedge between a family, especially when that sick family member is a child. Imagine trying to navigate it all as a teenager. One young girl was so distraught after she was labeled selfish for spending money given to her by her grandparents instead of offering it up to the family for her stepbrother’s cancer treatments.
In the AITA postthe 15-year-old girl explained her mom married her stepdad, Alan, two years ago. Alan has two kids, Emma, 9, and Noah, 3.
The teen explained Noah was diagnosed with cancer a year ago. Doctors informed their parents that there were better treatment options for the boy in another country, but they would need to save the money to travel there and secure this treatment.
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“My mom and Alan could not afford it, so they have been sending him to treatment here and saving for Noah’s treatment. They made a lot of cutbacks and asked that Emma and I give over any money we get so they can afford this,” the teen wrote in her post.
“We eat very basic meals, they canceled our internet, and we didn’t do anything for our birthdays or Christmas since the saving started. Any money that comes into the house goes to essentials or the treatment fund.”
Within the last year alone, they have managed to save up to 70% of their goal, but it’s come with the cost of eliminating any expenses deemed unnecessary.
The teen revealed that her dad passed away nine years ago, so her paternal grandparents have made an effort to still be involved in her life.
“They know what has been going on, and they have been buying me little treats and taking me out to eat when they can,” she wrote. “They also give me money every couple of weeks so I can have something if I ever need anything. I have been hiding that money because I know I would be told to give it up.”
She explained she has to be vigilant with this extra cash, as her younger stepsister, Emma, tends to snoop around and snitch. Over the weekend, the teen decided to use this money to get a haircut, buy her friend a birthday gift, and get some food. She also spent some time at her dad’s grave. When she returned home, her mom quickly noticed the haircut and questioned her about it.
“She asked where the money came from, and she realized I was lying when I said I had been with my grandparents, and they took me because I forgot they were out of town,” the teen explained. “So I told her they gave me some money to get some stuff done. She told me a haircut was not a need and how selfish could I be.”
Alan overheard the dispute and chimed in, asking the teen what was wrong with her. Between her mom and her stepdad, the teen faced intense backlash over her decision.
“Alan told me this family has to pull together for Noah, and I am acting like I don’t care whether Noah gets this treatment or not,” the teen said.
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When her mom later discovered she had also spent money on a birthday gift for her friend, things came to a head.
“I was sat down and yelled at for spending the money on not just me but on others. Alan asked me how I could give the money for a gift that means nothing when it could have gone to save ‘my brother’s’ life,” the teen said. “I yelled back that it’s not my job to pay for Noah’s treatments, and I’m already sacrificing, but I refuse to go all out the way they want me to.”
“I told them the money came from my family, family who was nothing to them, and they need to let it go. Alan called me selfish … and he told me I should be ashamed of my repulsive behavior.”
The mom and stepdad’s anxiety surrounding money is understandableas they have significant concerns in mind, but it’s excessive and unfair to not only deprive their teenage daughter of living for herself but also to harshly scold her, too, despite her already making so many sacrifices for a situation she didn’t ask for.
They argued that the parents’ response to the teen was extreme, and they seemed to be forgetting she was still a child, too.
“Go live with your grandparents if you can. Pitch it as it’s a way to help them save money for Noah, and don’t ever go back,” one person commented on the post. “I get being worried about your kid, but to starve the other kids of having a youth just to send him somewhere else.”
The teen’s mom should be more mindful of how their home life is taking joy away from her own daughter. The girl is likely internalizing a great deal of stress by being forced to live under the bare minimum for a brother she isn’t even biologically to.
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It’s not as though she doesn’t want Noah to get better, and it’s not like she’s making her mom choose between her or Noah. She simply craves the autonomy to live a comfortable and normal life.
Regardless of this unspecified treatment, the parents believe could save Noah’s life, the teen should be free to make her own choices with the money her grandparents gifted her.
The mom is likely taking on a lot of stress by trying to be there for her husband and stepson, but she doesn’t realize how much she’s neglecting her daughter’s needs and desires in the process, and this behavior will only push the girl away.
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Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango’s news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.
