A mom admitted that both her teenage son and husband were upset with her after she refused to let the teen boy get away with not doing the chores that he was responsible for.
Posting to the subreddit r/AITA, she explained how her son tried to trick her because he didn’t want to clean, and so she decided to get back at him and hopefully teach him an important lesson.
In her Reddit postshe explained that her 15-year-old son has been purposefully doing his chores wrong and using “weaponized incompetence,” which is a manipulation technique that involves one party faking incompetence to avoid regular duties.
In simpler terms, it’s the act of “playing dumb” to avoid responsibilities and chores, usually used by married men with their wives.
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“I started to teach him how to cook more complex stuff and other stuff (like proper deep cleaning, how to clean the bathroom well, laundry… think grown-up chores). He messes up, at first I thought he was just having a harder time so I spent more time on it with him,” she recalled.
Initially thinking there was something wrong, she admitted that her son’s actions were driving her crazy, especially since she tried many different ways to teach him the basics and it wasn’t sticking. She even went as far as to book him an appointment to see if he had ADHD or some other kind of neurological disorder.
However, she ended up canceling his appointment the minute she overheard him telling his friends that he’d been getting out of his chores by deliberately messing them up.
When she confronted her son, he denied everything, claiming that he just wasn’t doing any chores because he didn’t understand them. His mom already knew he was lying, however.
He even went so far as to argue that it shouldn’t be that big of a deal if he didn’t know how to do them in the first place.
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“I have been messing up his stuff on purpose to show how much of an inconvenience it is,” she continued, wanting to “get revenge” against her son for attempting to pull the wool over her eyes.
She wrote, “For example forgot to turn on the dryer so he had wet clothes. We got into an argument today thinking I am a huge jerk and that he knows I am doing it on purpose.”
He’s only a teenager, but according to Psychology Todaychildhood is when weaponized, or strategic incompetence as it’s sometimes referred to, becomes ingrained as a manipulation tactic.
Without intervention, the behavior would trickle into adulthood and result in an unequal division of labor in all of his relationships. It’s her job, as his mother, to put her foot down now, even if it makes life harder temporarily so that he is a competent and independent adult.
She’s not being unreasonable for wanting her teenage son to do his chores. Everyone should contribute to the running of a household — not just mom. There will come a day when he’s out on his own, and those skills will be essential. Relying on a roommate or partner is not a solution.
Worse, getting involved with a romantic partner solely for the purpose of being taken care of and catered to is a recipe for disaster.
“As many have said, you’re doing him a favor in the long run. He’s 15 and should know how to contribute to a household. Long term, few women want a partner they have to treat like a child. Nothing less attractive than that,” one Reddit user pointed out.
Another user added, “You’re doing it to help him learn the impact of his behavior; you’re not just doing it to be petty. You tried to talk to him after you overheard him bragging about it, and he lied — if he hadn’t, you could have resolved this by having an open conversation and explaining the impact of his behavior.”
“Maybe try to present it from the perspective of being part of his path to freedom? The more he learns now, the easier of a time he’ll have getting out on his own and not having to be ‘nagged’ by his mum,” a third user suggested.
“If he doesn’t care about that yet, maybe there’s some other goal of his you can wedge this into so he better understands why you’re asking/telling him to do these things.”
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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.
