KOCHI: Their story is about love that gets stuck between social norms and personal choices. This is a common problem even in more modern parts of the world. They were a couple of the same gender, but their names were kept secret by the silence. They felt like they belonged together, but life required them to fit in when they were apart.
One was told to live a “normal” life back home, while the other was abused all the time. They looked for new ways to get through a harsh world where they were trying to survive, keep their honor, or maybe just keep a weak sense of who they were. They left the lie they thought was home.
“That’s when we heard about an animation class and wanted to sign up,” says Rose Maria (new name) from Ernakulam. “When my partner joined me, we shared a dirty room in Kaloor while we took the course to make a decent living.”
But the New World wasn’t nice either. One day, while they were talking in class, their teacher came in and scolded them. Being embarrassed like that, they lied and said they were just friends to avoid the shame.
“That’s when it hit me: how long can we keep lying?” Why is that? My partner told me not to come out, but I wanted to. “In the end, we dropped out of the class,” Rose remembers.
The couple is now planning to leave Kerala to go to school somewhere else.
Some of the people who spoke at the Kerala Queer Pride lecture told TNIE that Atul’s story is even more heartbreaking. When he was 19, his family found out he was gay and made him leave home. He had been living on the streets and even tried to kill himself before he chose to fight back. He just started going to a school in Kochi to learn how to run a hotel because he wants to become a chef.
“But they made my life awful.” My teacher at the school thought I was “available” even though I was obviously gay based on the way I behaved. He used me for his own gain. He choked as he talked about his pain. “When I resisted, he locked me up and sexually abused and assaulted me,” he said.
Atul dropped out of the school for the diploma. To learn and work, he wants to find a “peaceful place.” He still wants to be a chef. “I want to fight back not only for myself but also for other gay kids and teens who have been kicked out of school or kicked out of their homes.”They don’t have anywhere to go and are often taken advantage of by people who think they can do anything to us, he said.
As part of the 13th gay Pride in Thiruvananthapuram over the weekend, the first-ever lecture on gay students and their challenges was held. Atul was one of the students who went.
Navami, a college student in psychology, also starts to cry as she talks about how hard things have been for her. Aswathy, a business student in her college, holds her hand to help her.
For Aswathy and herself, they are the president and vice president of the LGBTQ group at Government Women’s College in Thiruvananthapuram.
“Members of our group have stories like this or even worse.” We always look out for each other and help each other out. At the Government Fine Arts College in Thiruvananthapuram, Venus Paul, on the other hand, didn’t have as much help. “Once I finished my BSc in Physics, I accepted my gender identity,” she says.
“I got a job in Mumbai after finishing an animation course, but the pay was very low.” I learned how to do makeup when I went to Kochi. I worked toward my goal of getting a BFA in my spare time. But twice, my application was turned down because I was “misgendering.” With the help of the state’s social justice department and the LGBTQ community, I was able to get a spot using the 2019 trans limit. But things quickly turned bad. “At first, everything seemed fine, but stress built up in the college over time.” “There were even attacks on social media from groups that spread hate against the LGBTQ+ community,” Venus said.
Students in Kerala have also been the target of these kinds of groups. Around 100 students from the community get state grants to study there, according to Shakhiya S Priyamvada, who has worked with the transgender cell of the social justice department.
“These groups are religious, and they attack us openly on social media.”Another mean post calls trans people “douchebags” and says, “We don’t accept you because you don’t deserve to live in this beautiful world.” “So either get better from your mental illness or kill yourself,” Shakhiya said.
One of the main problems is that people aren’t sensitive enough. Even though there are rules in place to help queer people get more attention and chances, there are still a lot of cases of misgendering, calling people names, bullying, and not understanding from both teaching and non-teaching staff.
“Another important problem is that there aren’t enough hostels.” With their Rs 4,000 income, many students have moved out because they can’t afford to live with their families. A lot of them stay at the homes of other queer people. People drop out because they can’t find a place to live and are bullied. It’s sad that some teachers are not sensitive. For example, Shakhiya says, “Some of them purposely use students’ old names, even when they ask to be called by their chosen name.”
Such problems, along with the fact that transgender people don’t have access to clean bathrooms, were talked about at the session, which Shyama S Prabha, who is in charge of the transgender group at the social justice department, attended.
“Sensitization is still a big problem.” This is why lots of kids quit school. People often say that the money that is given to help queer students doesn’t go to waste when they drop out, but we need to remember that the money goes to the school, not the student. Shyama said, “If a student leaves, there are deeper reasons that need to be found.”
Shalin Varghese, a researcher and campaigner, says that the failure rates that existed in schools before reservation policies were put in place in 2019 are still there. “A survey done before the 2015 transgender policy showed that very few people in the state were able to finish school—between 58 and 60% of people in Class 9 and up dropped out,” she says.
She also said that the high rate of dropouts is still there because of the social abuse they face. It’s important to handle these problems with care, but there hasn’t been a full review since the policy and ticket efforts were put in place. We suggested that a poll be done after the policy was made as part of the training.
Shyama stresses that making people more aware must start with the kids. „They should know what their rights are, what help is out there for them, and what rules protect them. “Educators and the public should also know how important it is to be inclusive,” she says.
The people who put together Kerala Queer Pride say that the higher education department has been given a list of the suggestions that were made at the session.
One of the organizers, Diya Sana, says, “We set up this meet as part of Queer Pride because we don’t have a place where people can go to get help.”
“People tell us that we have problems because of who we are.” It’s still fun for people to pick on us. Rules may exist on paper, but they haven’t been fully put into action yet. Many problems still need to be solved and a lot of work needs to be done before our community gets the kind of care it deserves.
Pay attention
Suggestions sent to the department of higher education:
Teachers should be taught that some students’ ID cards show a different name than the name they choose, but those teachers still insist on taking the first name. It’s clear that they don’t care about the kids.
Redress system needed: To stop the bullying that kids face, schools should set up Transgender Support Cells.
Do we need more facilities? Fix the problem with the wait in giving out scholarships, make sure that schools have gender-neutral bathrooms, and let gay students live in dorms at universities and colleges. Set up adalats so that people in the neighborhood can voice their issues.
After the policy, a poll needs to be done to find out how many people dropped out and why they did so.
Need awareness: Gender-sensitive among the academic community to get rid of the homophobic and transphobic attitudes that cause LGBTQ students to be discriminated against and suffer mental pain.
Service counseling and community groups: To help kids with mental health problems, schools should work to create service counseling and community groups and offer service counseling.
