After escaping an abusive relationship and going no contact with her ex-boyfriend, a woman was shocked to receive an unsettling email from his therapist, urging her to show him forgiveness.
The woman detailed the upsetting experience in a Reddit post to the “Legal Advice” forumdesperately asking for advice and questioning if this kind of unethical communication is legal.
“My abuser/ex’s therapist reached out to me via email … to send me quotes on forgiveness,” she wrote in her post. “(I’m) assuming she got my email from my ex.”
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“She also mentioned in her email that my ex is unable to forgive himself and can’t move on with life because he feels undeserving of it,” the woman added, “which shouldn’t be my responsibility to repair.”
The Reddit poster felt that the therapist unfairly blamed her for her ex’s mental state. She then questioned the legality of the email, noting that she felt like “the therapist crossed a line” and should be reported.
“I have moved out of state and moved on with my life. I have asked my ex to stop contacting me and I have not responded to any attempts (to) contact,” she wrote. It’s certainly not the therapist’s place to initiate contact.
: 27 Warning Signs You Have A Bad Therapist
Of course, this email wasn’t just shocking to the woman but to nearly every commenter under the post.
Some Redditors speculated that the email was fake and actually from her ex. However, she clarified that the email sender was indeed a real therapist.
“The email it was sent from matches the address listed in her professional signature,” the poster wrote in a comment. “I also … looked up her license on the state website. She’s unfortunately legit.”
Other commenters suggested that there are legal grounds for this therapist to lose their license and suggested she report them.
“I’m a therapist and this is absolutely beyond unethical behavior,” one user wrote. “Do not respond. File a complaint and send a copy of the email to that state’s licensing board.”
“Absolutely report this to their licensing board,” another commenter urged. “Reaching out to you was inappropriate, unethical, and just plain out of line.”
The therapist clearly crossed boundaries and acted unethically by initiating contact. Even if she is unaware of the abusive nature of their relationship, it was not her place to contact her client’s ex-partner. Rather, it’s her job to help her client move on, even if he never receives forgiveness from his ex.
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It is OK not to accept an apology or offer forgiveness, especially to someone who was abusive. While forgiveness, in theory, is the path to healing, sometimes it can do more harm than good.
Jess, a licensed therapist on TikTok, agreed.
“You do not have to forgive anyone who was abusive towards you,” she insisted. Those who suggest otherwise are doing more harm than good.”
As the man’s therapist should know, sometimes you have to heal and move forward without ever receiving forgiveness from the people you harmed. Instead of contacting his ex, the therapist should advise him to focus on himself and his own healing journey.
: Psychologist Explains Why Forgiveness Sometimes Does More Harm Than Good & You Don’t Owe It To Anyone
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories
