A mother has uncovered the reasons why children and parents appear happier in France — and it’s not just due to the croissants and decadent hot chocolate.
According to the California mom who lived in Paris with her family for two months, French parenting differs greatly from that of Americans, and their children are better off because of it.
Now, she’s back in America. While she admitted it’s “much easier to live the ‘French way’ when you’re surrounded by a society that promotes it,” she’s committed to incorporating a few of the French strategies into her parenting in the States.
In the United States, it seems as if everywhere you turn people have their faces buried in their screens. Even children in strollers are occupied by some kind of electronic device.
However, in France, the mom noticed that most parents aren’t too keen on handing their kids iPads to entertain them. Instead, they encourage free play.
Free play allows children to have full freedom to play in whatever they want. It can consist of playing on a playground, climbing trees, drawing, building forts out of materials they find in the house, and anything that unlocks their creativity and imagination without relying on screens or instructions.
Free play is beneficial for a child’s social, emotional, and cognitive development. It encourages creativity, develops problem-solving skills, and enhances focus and attention.
A 2018 American Academy of Pediatrics study emphasized the importance of allowing children free play, noting, “Adults who facilitate a child’s play without being intrusive can encourage the child’s independent exploration and learning.”
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Many American parents have set naptimes, meal times, and bedtimes for their children. The idea is to give them structure and settle into a consistent routine.
However, the mom says that she plans on letting go of rigid schedules for her daughter after watching French parents allow their children to have a bit more flexibility when it comes to mealtimes and naps.
By attempting to control children’s sleeping and eating routines, parents are unintentionally disrupting their learning about their own bodies.
Like adults, children eat when they feel hungry and sleep when they feel tired. Forcing them to nap when they are still alert and eat when their bellies already feel full can throw them off.
“Yes, I believe structure is important,” she wrote on a TikTok, “but so is spontaneity, letting go of control, and going with the flow. There’s so much magic in that.”
This doesn’t mean forcing kids to go back to the stone age and play with the rocks and dirt they find on the ground — just go back a couple of decades before Apple devices were brought into existence.
The mom noticed that, instead of handing their kids iPads and Nintendos, many French parents take it back to the basics. They bring their children to the park, have them draw with chalk on the pavement, or chase pigeons down the sidewalk!
Who knew you didn’t have to pay a single dime to hear your children belly-laugh and make lasting memories?
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While living in Paris, the mom noticed a stark difference — “Parents seem to include their children in their daily routines vs. focusing on kid activities (and) entertainment,” she wrote.
While it may seem daunting to bring your children along on all of your errands or allow them to help you complete tasks like cooking and cleaning, integrating children into your day-to-day has benefits that far outweigh the cons.
Instead of adjusting their lives to revolve around their children’s routines and activities, French parents include their children in their daily to-dos and teach them useful skills in the process.
Kids can learn how to make their favorite recipes by helping their parents prepare them in the kitchen. They can learn how to read a restaurant menu and place their order with a server by tagging along with their parents for happy hour (just hold off on teaching them how to order alcohol until they’re much older!).
In a world in which parents are constantly judging each other for their choices and tearing people down over disagreements in parenting styles, it is best to block out all of the unsolicited advice and pave your own way. There’s no one right way to parent — what works is different for each family and even each child.
As long as you’re doing your best, don’t let anyone — the Mom shamers or social media — tell you that you’re doing it wrong.
So, when it comes to parenting, don’t be afraid to dip your toes into other cultures and get a feel of how they raise their children. You may just be inspired by them, as this mom was by the French.
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Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.
