My husband and I live in the city, while my in-laws reside far away in the countryside. Occasionally, when my mother-in-law feels like it, she comes to stay with us for a few months, sometimes even up to half a year. I accommodate her wishes because elderly people are often set in their ways, and I want my husband to feel at ease without being caught between his mother and me, so I try to overlook minor issues. Perhaps because of this, among her daughters and daughters-in-law, she prefers staying with our family the most.

Everything was fine until recently, when she began frequently scolding and yelling at my two children, who are in elementary and middle school. In my opinion, they’re well-behaved, polite, and quite self-disciplined. I find it normal if they occasionally get a bit distracted by playing, eat slowly, or dirty their clothes. As adults, we also have times when we work hard and times when we allow ourselves a bit of laziness, as long as we achieve our goals in the end.

But my mother-in-law doesn’t see it this way. For instance, if the kids come home from school and get absorbed in a book, they might drop their bags on the floor and start reading immediately. Each time like that, my mother-in-law scolds them for not exercising and tells them not to read in the early evening to avoid straining their eyes. If they prefer to use their hands instead of chopsticks for a particular dish, she criticizes them, saying it’s impolite to eat that way.

I have advised my mother-in-law many times to be gentler with the children. They already face pressure at school, and home should be a place where they can relax. Meal times should be enjoyable, accommodating their preferences, as long as we don’t have guests dining with us. I’ve also suggested to my husband that he talk to her, but my mother-in-law hasn’t changed.

As for her own habits, she enjoys watching TV, movies, and using her phone, and she wakes up very early. But since she has her own room, thankfully, her routines don’t affect my children.

Recently, my children have started asking why their grandmother talks so much and so loudly. My youngest is even a bit afraid of her and clings to me often.

I’m not sure how to handle this situation in a considerate and reasonable way. If this continues, I’m concerned it might affect the children’s mental well-being and their academic performance. Yet I can’t ask her to return to the countryside before she wants to.

What should I do?