After overhearing a conversation between her husband and his friends, a woman is unsure if her marriage can survive.
Her husband wasn’t speaking poorly about her — but about their child. The 30-year-old mom admitted that she was “absolutely crushed” by her husband’s attitude toward their son and insisted that she can’t envision staying with someone who thinks that way about their own child.
“I have been married to my husband for five years. We’ve had our share of problems like any couple, but this one’s really shaken me to my core,” she wrote in her since-deleted Reddit post. “We have a son who was diagnosed with autism about two years ago.”
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She explained that while it hasn’t been easy, she loves her son with her entire heart. Despite the challenges, he’s a sweet little boy who she can’t imagine her life without.
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The woman wrote that, as of late, her husband has become more distant and seems to have checked out emotionally.
At first, she chalked it up to work stress and overwhelm regarding their son. That was until she overheard a damning conversation about parenting between him and some of his friends.
One of her husband’s friends commented how hard parenting can be, and in response, her husband decided to get everything off his chest.
“He started saying how our son is ‘too much to handle’ and that he feels like ‘he’s a burden.’ He even mentioned that sometimes he wishes we could give him up for adoption. I couldn’t believe it,” she admitted. “At first, I thought maybe he was just frustrated and saying things out of anger or stress, but he kept going.”
He expressed how much he missed the “freedom” he had before becoming a parent.
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Research shows that a considerable portion of parents raising children with autism report experiencing significant struggles, with around 50% of mothers with autistic children exhibiting elevated levels of depressive symptoms.
Even parents of neurotypical children feel overwhelmed from time to time. Parenting isn’t always a smooth journey. It can be frustrating, and there may be moments where you yearn for the life you had before becoming a parent when the only obligations you had were to yourself and your partner.
Still, this woman felt caught off guard by how vehemently her husband felt about their son.
“When I confronted him, he brushed it off, saying I was overreacting and that he didn’t really mean it, that he was just blowing off steam with his friends,” she recounted. “But how can I not take that seriously?”
“He’s literally talking about abandoning our son! He didn’t apologize,” she continued. “He said he’s just overwhelmed and feels like our son’s autism is taking over our lives and that he doesn’t know how much more he can take. But instead of working through it together, he’s talking about running away from the problem.”
Her husband’s feelings about their son are definitely concerning, and her worries are valid. No parent wants to feel alone and she needs to be able to trust her husband to care for their son.
Whether or not she should divorce him over his comments is ultimately something only she can decide. If she wants to maybe get to the root of his feelings, they should try couples and individual therapy so he can speak freely about the stress he is feeling and the challenges of being the parent of a neurodivergent child.
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“Children are a burden regardless of abilities. Some will require much more attention and sacrifice than others,” one commenter pointed out. “Your husband is allowed his feelings, and we can’t always control the way we feel about things. Just because he feels a certain way doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or your son.”
“Going to therapy is (for) exactly that — speaking out your mind free of judgment, venting, and finding a way to deal with your emotions in a healthy way,” they continued. “Instead of judging your husband because he feels a certain way … try to understand where he’s coming from and help each other navigate the situation.”
There are also a plethora of support groups, both online and in-person, filled with parents in the same situation.
At the end of the day, this mom’s main focus should always be loving and providing a safe and secure home for her son.
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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.
