It’s natural for all families to struggle with feeling connected from time to time. However, outright neglect or playing favorites is never OK.
Unfortunately, one 15-year-old girl found herself in this exact situation when her parents, who had her as teenagers, had another baby years later. Life was much different for them as older parents, and their firstborn daughter was struggling under the weight of being a loving sibling and getting love from her parents.
“My parents had me when they were 18 and 19,” the girl explained in her Reddit post. “They always made it so obvious they resented being parents so young and added to that they never tried to be good parents.”
“My parents never did the typical parent stuff like helping with homework or showing up to support me at school,” she continued. “I don’t think they ever attended a parents’ conference for me.”
She added that her birthday and Christmas were never made to be a big deal, yet her parents’ wedding anniversary always was.
: 8 Signs Your Parents Didn’t Give You Enough Attention And It’s Affecting You Now
“When they told me two years ago they were expecting a baby, it really surprised me, but then it hurt because sometimes they said stuff that made me feel like I didn’t exist,” she admitted. “Like how they were so excited to have a baby and how they couldn’t wait to be parents.”
When speaking to a friend, her mom and dad even referred to her as “basically the too-early practice run,” whereas her sister is “the real deal.”
It wasn’t just her parents’ words, either. Their actions completely reflected this.
“I ceased to exist completely,” she wrote. “I got sick and my school was trying to call someone to pick me up early but they ignored the calls and when I got home they had taken the baby out for a family day. When they got home they hadn’t even realized the school called because they turned off their phones to ‘enjoy family time.'”
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Her mom even quit her job to become a stay-at-home parent, and her dad consistently leaves work early on Fridays to spend time with his wife and youngest child.
Now, her parents want to grow their family even more.
“My parents tried to have another kid for over a year and my mom isn’t pregnant yet so they’re jumping to fertility treatments,” she explained. “They told me I need to watch my sister for a few hours every week while they attend those appointments and they gave me this detailed list of stuff she needs and what I’m going to do with her.”
At this point, the girl put her foot down, refusing to care for her sister.
“I told them … that they had her so they need to take care of her because she’s not my kid,” she recounted. “Dad told me I need to look at it as paying back all they did for me. I said no and told them they don’t give a crap about me so why would I want to help them.”
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“Parentification,” Psychology Today says“is when a child is forced to take on the role of a supportive adult within their family.”
This can and often does include becoming a caregiver to younger siblings and taking on a parenting role and responsibilities within the household.
Unfortunately, this can affect a child’s physical and mental well-being as well as their ability to form healthy relationships.
Parentification takes away a child’s chance to fully live and enjoy their childhood. It is a form of neglect that can be particularly harmful and dangerous.
As for the Reddit teen, her parents should treat her like the child she is — not an adult and certainly not a parent.
They should work together to heal from the emotional neglect she has already endured before adding another child to their family.
: 9 Signs You Were Overly Parentified As A Kid And Given Way Too Many Responsibilities
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.
