A woman questioned how she should move forward with her husband after he insisted that he wanted her to stay home with their children despite her wanting to pursue the career she had worked hard to get.
Posting to the subreddit r/AITAH, she claimed that her husband had suddenly changed his views on how they were going to raise their future children and that his desire to have her become a stay-at-home mom would seriously impact her professional career.
“I just finished dental school. I spent 8 years of my life working to do the job of my dreams. My husband and I have been married 5 years, but have been together since we were 17 and 19,” the 26-year-old woman began in her Reddit post.
She explained that she and her husband have talked about having children many times and what childcare would look like once they started their family. They both agreed on daycare once their child turned 2 and then enrolling them into a private school once they reached the age to start.
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It’s definitely not a job for someone who isn’t prepared for the intensity, stress, and exhaustion. While many people may think being a stay-at-home mom is easy and that your days are filled with loads of free time, it’s so much more than that.
In addition to caring for the kids without any breaks, stay-at-home parents are saddled with all the household tasks and emotional labor as well. What’s more, the day doesn’t end at 5 p.m. In fact, a stay-at-home parent is never off the clock, so to speak.
She admitted that she’s a career-driven woman, and the thought of taking care of her future children one day without being financially independent just doesn’t sound appealing to her.
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She informed her husband that if he wanted someone to be a stay-at-home parent, he was more than welcome to fulfill that role instead of her. Despite the agreement on how they wanted to raise their children, she was shocked at his shift in attitude once she graduated dental school.
“I work at my dream office. I genuinely couldn’t be happier to be doing what I’ve dreamed of since I was a little girl, and something I’ve spent blood (literally, I’ve been stabbed with so many needles it’s crazy), sweat, and tears achieving,” she continued.
With over 24 million mothers actively in the workforcethis woman is clearly not alone in her sentiment.
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Now that they’re trying for a baby, the topic of childcare ended up coming back up again. While she’s told him in the past that she has no interest in being a stay-at-home mom, he questioned if she would be quitting her job.
Thinking he was talking about maternity leave, she explained that you don’t quit your job for that, and her employer will just give her a few months off.
“He looked at me like I was stupid and said, ‘No, I’m talking about you staying at home with the kids.’ I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t help but laugh, which I think set him off. He said, ‘Our kids need a present mom, Alyssa.’ I corrected him and told him that a working mom does not mean that she’s not a present one and that I will not be staying at home with our kids.”
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She pointed out that she didn’t work hard for 8 years to obtain her necessary credentials and college education just to throw it all away to be a stay-at-home mom.
It also wouldn’t make sense. She makes more than her husband, making it a financially bad choice, as well.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with women or men who want to become stay-at-home parents. In this day and age, it doesn’t have to be something that women are forced to do, and they now have the choice to make that decision for themselves without hearing input from their husbands.
It isn’t the 1950s anymore, and if she doesn’t want to stay at home and would rather pursue her career and balance it with being a mom, then she is more than welcome to do that.
Her husband should be able to understand that and since the expenses of childcare aren’t an issue, that shouldn’t even enter the argument. It also seems as if she’s thought about how she would balance her career and spend time with her children, so just because she has a full-time job doesn’t mean that her children will ever feel neglected.
It’s all about finding that balance, which is her choice to make.
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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
