Dating is not easy and seems to only get harder as you age. One woman thinks ladies over 35 should set their sights on a specific category of men to find their perfect match.
Content creator and former “Bachelor” contestant Marshana Dahlia Spavento shared her thoughts on what a woman over 35 should be looking for in a man.
“If you’re over the age of 35 and you’re still single, and marriage is still on your bingo card, I need you to start looking for a divorcé,” she said. “But not any divorcé — an upcycled husband.”
“I’ve talked about this before here on my channel, but I don’t think all divorcés are created equal,” Spavento continued. “We have the recycled husbands, you know, they are divorced, and they’ll get married again, and they’ll make the same mistake time and time and time and time again.”
On the other hand, Spavento recommended looking for an upcycled husband.
“The upcycled husband is the husband that’s learned from his mistakes,” she explained. “He doesn’t trash his ex-wife. He acknowledges his contribution to the demise of the relationship. He sees where he can do better and is willing to do that better this time around.”
Spavento noted that the first wife usually “married him before he has reached his financial peak and prime” and is often “the training wheels wife.” Conversely, “second wives live the best lives,” she insisted, “and I am saying that from experience as a proud second wife.”
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“Just understand that divorcees don’t necessarily always come with the baggage that you think,” she warned. “A professional bachelor is more of a threat to you. The man who’s over 40, never had children, has never been married, has only had professional girlfriends.”
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She explained that, although people typically associate drama with divorce, the people with the real drama are those who are perpetually single.
“I know you think that he has less drama and baggage, but he’s actually the one full of baggage and drama,” she said.
“You will be his crash test of what a real, serious, committed, mutually monogamous relationship actually looks like,” she added in the caption of her video. “You’ll spend more time teaching him the basics rather than (reaping) the rewards.”
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The majority of commenters were supportive of Spavento’s approach to dating. However, some experts disagree with this line of thinking.
“Statistically for men, second marriages fail at a much higher rate than first marriages,” dating coach Ken Solin wrote for HuffPost. “The reason is simple, and it’s critical every woman contemplate it before marrying a divorced man. Many men fail to glean the lessons from their failed marriages and consequently never heal their wounds.”
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According to Solin, men struggle to learn from their mistakes and don’t often become the “upcycled husbands” women like Spavento hope for. Instead, they remain at the “recycled” level.
This is certainly something to keep in mind when searching for a potential mate. However, it’s also important to remember that each person is an individual and not simply a statistic. Judge for yourself by getting to know them.
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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
