“At that moment all I could think about was punishing my unfaithful husband and his mistress to vent my anger,” the 43-year-old from the central Khanh Hoa Province recalls while referring to what happened six years ago.

What persuaded her not to confront the duo was seeing her eldest daughter sleeping peacefully and feeling her unborn child stir in her womb, which reminded her of the importance of maintaining calm for her children’s sake. Additionally, this was not the first time her husband had strayed, prompting Trang to consider the potential endless cycle of confrontations if she gave in to her jealousy.

Reconciling with it was challenging nevertheless. As part of her coping strategy, she visited a temple to find peace and consulted with two psychologists.

“They were like lifebuoys, helping me keep my rational mind amidst the overwhelming emotions,” she says.

She adds that she has now found peace of mind after the marital crises and feels proud that she overcame her impulses and did not act recklessly.

Read conducted a survey, asking readers “Would you resort to jealousy-fueled confrontations if you discovered your partner’s infidelity?”

Of nearly 2,000 people who responded 50% said they would not, 46% said they would investigate thoroughly before deciding, and 4% said they might.

“Regardless of the situation, resorting to jealousy-fueled confrontations is never the right choice,” Le Hong Hien of the Hanoi Bar Association says.

His rationale is that such actions typically involve violating another person’s body, dignity, reputation, or all or some of them, which can lead to crimes such as intentional infliction of injury, public disorder or damaging another’s property.

For instance, on Jan. 1 a woman named Tuyen made a scene with her husband and his mistress in Can Tho City in the Mekong Delta. She was subsequently prosecuted for “intentionally inflicting injuries on other persons,” “causing public disorder” and ” insulting the dignity and honor of others.”

Hien himself took part in a trial stemming from a similar confrontation in the northern Lai Chau Province in March 2024. It began as a family issue, but quickly escalated with a group of over 10 people chasing each other with weapons on the street, resulting in injuries and property damage. The defendants were charged with “intentional infliction of injuries” and “causing public disorder.”

Two years ago Ngoc Ha, 33, of Hanoi discovered her husband’s infidelity. He had even created a social media account with his mistress to post their lovey-dovey photos and exchange loving words.

“I was furious and full of hate, wanting to punish her,” Ha says.

At that moment a friend who happened to know the mistress told her about her dubious romantic life and how she was involved with not only Ha’s husband but other men as well. Thinking that acting on her jealousy would only “dirty her hands,” Ha decided to let time reveal the truth.

“My husband said she was his true love. So I wanted him to see for himself what his love was really like.”

According to relationship counselor Le Anh, women often act impulsively and lose control when they discover betrayal. However, acting out of jealousy might provide temporary satisfaction, but it is often followed by emptiness and regret, she says.

Moreover, it can psychologically harm children, making them feel insecure and embarrassed, she says.

“Resorting to jealousy-fueled confrontations is like a stain on a child’s journey to adulthood.”

Cultural scholar and screenwriter Dang Thieu Ngan reflects on the “moral decay” manifest in some recent high-profile incidents in which people encouraged the wife to “hit and strip the mistress” and rejoiced at seeing another woman humiliated in public.

She says wives would do well to analyze the reasons for their husbands’ affairs, which could be lack of affection, a need for romance, empathy, or simply boredom prompting a desire for change. By calmly assessing the strengths and weaknesses of their marriage and evaluating her own strengths and weaknesses, a woman can avoid rash actions that could harm her and her family she says.

Hien points out that when a husband is unfaithful, his wife has an advantage in custody battles and division of assets if a divorce occurs, but acting recklessly puts her at a disadvantage.

“Behaving properly in difficult situations will help protect your honor, legal status and the future of both yourself and your children.”

Ha didn’t have to wait long: Just two months later her husband realized he had been deceived by his girlfriend.

“The feeling of seeing him upset because he was cheated on was more satisfying than acting on my jealousy,” Ha reveals.

Later her husband knelt down to apologize and asked for forgiveness. But she no longer felt any love for him. She has not divorced yet, but has managed to transfer ownership of their house entirely to herself, and lives with her 10-year-old son.

“I find the saying ‘women should wear makeup, not resort to jealousy-fueled confrontations’ very wise,” she adds.

Thanks to not acting on her jealousy, Trang says she has not lost harmony with her husband, allowing her children to still respect both parents and maintain a stable, mature mindset. Importantly, she has kept calm to prepare for a divorce. She owns a business, is financially and emotionally independent, and lives comfortably and happily with her three children.

“I still believe in love. I hope to find a man who will love me and treat my children as his own,” she says.