While, on average, the division of household labor is more equitable today than it was in the past, many women still find themselves responsible for the brunt of childrearing and housework. A 2023 Pew Research Survey found that, even in dual-income marriages, women do about a third more childcare and more than double the housework than men.
A 29-year-old mom of three on Reddit is among those women who are responsible for the lion’s share of household labor. She works full-time, does most of the parenting, and handles the vast majority of cooking and cleaning. Her 33-year-old husband, on the other hand, has one job — the dishes. Yet he failed to keep up, so she took matters into her own hands.
“My husband and I have been married for 12 and we have three kids in elementary school,” she wrote in her since-deleted Reddit postadding in a comment that she was 17 when they got married.
Her husband works from 2 p.m. to 11 p.m. every day, and she too has a full-time job as a nanny and housekeeper. “I spend about 12 hours a day on my feet cleaning and taking care of kids, between work and home,” she detailed. “Because of his hours, I do 90% of the parenting alone.”
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He doesn’t help with housework, either, and she is understandably exhausted. Working full-time, raising three children alone, and running a house is a lot of work.
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Frankly, that is far more generous than many would be in her place. Yet, as you can probably guess, he did not follow through on their agreement.
“Since then, my life is brimming with dirty dishes,” she wrote. “I have offered to teach him how to do them efficiently. I have tried to help him figure out when he can do them ’cause he says he’s too busy. I have done a load or two to help him get on top of it. But now the standard in my home is that every single dish in my house is dirty. Piled high in the sink and covering all the counter space.”
He only deigns to do his chosen chore once every ten days, she added. And with the dishes filling the sink and covering counters, she’s struggling to cook and clean.
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He uses his free time, not to help around the house or step up as a parent, but to build his Twitch channel as a “potential side hustle.” He has less than a dozen followers, but often stays up until 5 a.m. “chilling or streaming or editing for his stream.”
The Redditor clarified that she is supportive of his side hustle, but is unhappy that he refuses to do the one chore he agreed to. “He has several hours of uninterrupted time where he could just do 30 minutes of dishes a night and make my life so much easier,” she wrote.
“I am bone tired. I am tired of feeling disrespected and ignored,” the woman continued. “My home and family are suffering because of his refusal to do the dishes regularly.”
Having reached her wit’s end, the woman piled all of the dirty dishes in the living room in front of his TV so he could “spend some quality time with his choices.”
“I know he will be big mad about it,” she admitted, “but I don’t feel like he is understanding how deeply disgusting and difficult it is to live in a house with only dirty dishes. He just doesn’t go into the kitchen now ’cause it’s gross. I don’t have that luxury. I have children to feed.”
It’s clear that this woman hit her breaking point, and that is not only understandable but expected — it was likely only a matter of time. She essentially has two full-time jobs and her husband, who works from home, refuses to help even a little. That is both disrespectful and a recipe for resentment and burnout.
It’s well past time her husband steps up to the plate and takes responsibility within their family. When both partners contribute to the home, it creates a sense of teamwork and mutual support, allowing everyone — including their children — to thrive.
This couple must have an honest conversation if they want to move forward. Or has one commenter suggested, she could “have the internet shut down from the hours of 8 p.m. to 5 a.m.” Good luck streaming then.
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Erika Ryan is a writer working on her bachelor’s degree in Journalism. She is based in Florida and covers relationships, psychology, self-help, and human interest topics.
