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Pocketing refers to a situation where your significant other keeps you a secret from their friends, family, and social circle
In the age of social media and public relationships, being “pocketed” by a partner can be frustrating. Pocketing refers to a situation where your significant other keeps you a secret from their friends, family, and social circle. While maintaining privacy in a relationship is important, constant secrecy might signal deeper issues. Wondering if you’re being pocketed? If you’re in a relationship, it’s essential to recognize the red flags. Here are some signs that your partner may be pocketing you and why this behaviour can be harmful.
No Mentions on Social Media – If your partner regularly shares updates about their daily life but never acknowledges your presence, it could be a sign of pocketing. While some people prefer to keep their relationships private, a complete absence of any mention—no tags, no pictures, no hints—might suggest they’re not ready to make things public. This is especially concerning if you’ve been together for a while and there’s little to no evidence of your relationship online.
Feeling Overlooked in Public – Your partner may be affectionate in private but distant in public settings. If they avoid holding your hand, introducing you, or acknowledging your presence around others, it could indicate they’re intentionally keeping the relationship under wraps. Instead of making you feel valued, their behaviour may leave you feeling like an outsider.
Excludes You From Plans – If your partner consistently makes plans without considering you or never includes you in future events, it may signal a lack of commitment. Avoiding discussions about long-term relationship milestones—like engagement or marriage—while openly making personal future plans can be a red flag. It suggests they don’t see you as a lasting part of their life.
Keeps You in Private Spaces Only – If your partner insists on spending time together only in private or secluded places, it could indicate they’re trying to keep the relationship hidden. While alone time is important, a balanced relationship includes social interactions with friends and family. If they frequently avoid taking you to gatherings or find excuses to skip social events with you, they might be intentionally pocketing you.
Avoids Talking About Family – If your partner changes the subject or seems uncomfortable when you ask about their family, it could be a red flag. Avoiding discussions about relatives or refusing to introduce you to family and close friends—especially after a long time together—suggests they may not be fully integrating you into their personal lives. If you’ve never met their inner circle or heard them mention you to their family, they might be deliberately keeping the relationship hidden.
How to Manage Pocketing?
Clear communication: Talking openly and honestly with your partner is the first step in controlling pocketing. Without placing blame or making accusations, voice your emotions and worries. Make use of “I” statements to explain your feelings about their actions.
Know the cause: Make an effort to comprehend your partner’s viewpoint and the motivations behind their actions. They can have worries or anxieties that require attention. Active listening and empathy can aid in bridging the divide.
Maintain limits: Establishing limits is essential to controlling pocketing. Communicate to your partner what you want from the relationship and what you don’t want. Healthy boundary-setting can help stop additional emotional suffering.
Take Time: Your partner might occasionally require some time to work through their worries or anxieties. Setting a realistic deadline for improvements to happen is crucial, though.
Seek Expert Advice: Consider getting expert assistance if pocketing continues despite your attempts. Couples therapy can offer a secure environment where both partners can examine their emotions and try to find a solution.
