Nostalgia allows us to unify our past with our present and even incorporate our future. This makes it an essential emotion that we all must seek out in ways that make sense to us. For many, this means considering one’s childhood. But how can you look back on your childhood and know you had a good one?
Parenting coach Caley Kukla, M.Ed.shared several “little things” that are actually big things to kids in an Instagram post. These little things take very little effort on the part of parents but can make all the difference to children. In fact, if you remember any of these from when you were little, you probably had a great childhood.
As Kukla explained, kids are used to parents doing the teaching. “Children are always expected to learn from adults, but flipping the script and letting them teach us something makes them feel valued and important,” she explained. “It also gives us a window into their world — what excites them, what they enjoy, and how they think.”
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A clinical psychologist and family therapist named Charlene wrote that it’s easy for parents to get caught up in their mounting responsibilities and forget to take the time to connect with their children and learn from them. However, there are endless benefits to doing so. If you can remember your parents learning from you, then they did a great job raising you.
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In the fast-paced world we live in, it’s natural to rush things as simple as a hug. However, those hugs mean a lot to the children receiving them. Kukla noted that they can even help regulate hormones by helping the body to relax. Research has shown that those who are hugged frequently have less cortisol, which is known as the “stress hormone.”
When a parent allows a child to let go first when hugging them, the parent is letting the child take whatever they need from the interaction. This is a great parenting strategy and a way to “honor their needs,” Kukla said.
Kukla described this as “greeting them with ‘sparkle eyes.’” “We can let our children know they are wanted, valued, and loved with just a simple look,” she said.
Writing for Great Kids, Inc., Rachel Cook said“This sense of love helps children develop the confidence to try new things, take on reasonable challenges, and master new skills.” If your parents gazed at you lovingly, they were really giving you permission to take on new things and helping you along the way.
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Kukla said that adults typically speak in a manner that is too fast for kids’ developing brains, and they’re left playing catch up. “When we slow down and give them space to fully form and share their ideas, it’s a relief and provides a powerful connection opportunity that often encourages them to share more,” she added.
By letting kids take the reins of a conversation, parents show them that what they think and say is important and worth being heard. If your parents did this for you, it’s a sign that they loved you deeply and wanted you to feel important.
Often, children think of adults as being overly serious — at least compared to their perspectives as kids. This doesn’t leave much room for getting excited about things. But good parents know this is important. “Not only do we create meaningful connections, but we also invite more fun into our own lives,” Kukla said.
Parents who take the time to get excited about things with their kids are forging strong bonds and showing that they care. If you remember your parents doing this, they did great.
Some adults may be tempted to think they don’t need to apologize to kids because they’re above that. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Kukla shared that apologizing holds two important purposes. First, it allows children to understand that making mistakes is normal and okay. Second, it demonstrates to them how important the parent-child relationship is.
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Janet Sasson Edgette, Psy.D.noted that parents are often too quick to force their children to apologize when they mess up but rarely do so themselves. She said apologizing from a place of generosity is a good thing and a sign that your parents cared about you.
As Kukla pointed out, it takes very little effort for a parent to prepare a child’s favorite food as a side dish and point out to them that they did so because they like it or to do something similar. This helps them to feel like they are part of the family and increases their self-worth.
Parents typically spend a lot of time with their kids. It’s not difficult to overhear them mention the little things they love and then work to incorporate them into everyday life, just as anyone would do for someone they loved. Doing so is a sign your parents did a great job raising you.
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“It reassures them that I think about them even when we’re apart, reinforcing our connection,” Kukla said. She explained that it’s natural for children to think about their parents throughout the day when they’re not with them, so showing that this is reciprocated is a “comfort.”
Since parenting is a big responsibility, it’s likely that moms and dads naturally think about their kids throughout the day. Letting them know that you do will deepen your relationship and show them how much you care. If your parents did this, they really loved you.
As a parent, it’s easy to overlook these small gestures, but this is just the kind of attention that a child craves. If you remember your parents doing these things, then they were probably pretty fantastic.
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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
