They’re turning on the waterworks — and for some deceptive daters, it actually works.
Opening up the floodgates and pouring out your heart on a first date, spilling everything about your previous relationship drama and childhood trauma, is a messy mating movement known as “floodlighting.”
And dating pros are putting a spotlight of caution on the toxic trend.
“Floodlighting. It’s the opposite of vulnerability, but it presents as somebody who’s very open and vulnerable,” explained podcaster Becca Tobin of the emotionally manipulative hack.
“When they overshare a lot right upfront,” continued the blond in a TikTok clip, “they’re floodlighting you — they’re flashing these lights into your face.”
“Essentially, it’s their armor,” added Tobin, crediting author Brenè Brown with coining the term, which is now buzzing across social media.
Raining on the parades of singles looking for something serious, floodlighting is a stunt often used by tricksters hoping to reel in a potential partner by divulging their personal information to gain empathy and establish a false (and premature) sense of trust.
Jessica Alderson, co-founder of the dating app So Synced, told Glamour“It involves sharing a lot of personal details all at once — to test the waters, speed up intimacy or see if the other person can ‘handle’ these parts of you.”
Signs that you might be getting snowed by a flood-lighter include: quick and detailed disclosure of one’s intimate info, an unbalanced exchange of sob stories, a fast and intense emotional connection and an intense analysis of your reactions to the horrors they’ve shared, according to the insider.
“While vulnerability is essential in building a strong relationship, there’s a time and place for different levels,” noted Alderson. “By sharing too much too quickly, you may be putting yourself at risk of being exploited or taken advantage of by someone who may not have your best interests at heart.”
A dastardly strategy, floodlighting is just one of the many hoaxes and hacks to plague the dating world in recent months.
It joins romance scams such as “hoodfishing,” lying about your hometown for street-credibility, and “throning,” strictly dating folks who can boost your social status, as a low-level, yet no-good con.
Alderson warned that floodlighting in relationships can create imbalanced dynamics, making one partner the “fragile one” while the other is forced to become the “emotional caretaker.”
And having to carry the weight of a new paramour’s problems can cause an unwitting caretaker to feel burned out and over-burdened.
“If someone is floodlighting, it can lead to the person on the receiving end feeling overwhelmed and even suffocated,” said Alderson.
“It can be emotionally taxing to handle such intense disclosures and feelings in a short amount of time.”
