“It’s not you, it’s me.”
One of the hardest realizations is coming to terms with the fact that you’re not with the right romantic partner. If you have that nagging gut feeling that the person you’re currently dating is not who you’re meant to be with, it might be time to have a serious check-in with your partner.
Thankfully, human behavior expert and former psychological nurse, Jessen James, shared with the Daily Mail some of the telltale signs that your relationship may be on the fritz.
Here are 12 signs that you might need to send that dreaded “Can we talk?” text to your significant other.
Feeling emotionally attached to a romantic partner is a key factor in a healthy relationship. However, if you’re suddenly feeling a psychological disconnect in your relationship, that’s not something to ignore.
“From a psychological perspective, understanding whether emotional detachment is situational or a deeper pattern is crucial for addressing relationship challenges,” James said in the article.
If you have even a tinge of resentment in your relationship, unfortunately, it takes a lot for that to go away, if it ever does.
“Resentment doesn’t just go away on its own. The root cause needs to be addressed and openly communicated to see if it is something you can forgive, don’t suppress your feelings,” James advised.
Supporting your partner throughout the highs and lows of life is another important part of a healthy relationship.
“Without this, one can only wonder, why are you worried and apprehensive about sharing your successes? Maybe your partner feels intimidated, worried that you will become more independent and have more outside influence — these are concerning thoughts,” the expert shared.
Having disagreements in a relationship is normal but if your relationship rarely resolves conflict and instead sweeps things under the rug, this is a relationship red flag.
“If you keep falling back into the same trap and feel like you are on a hamster wheel after trying to resolve your differences, ask yourself whether the relationship is serving you both and if not, perhaps it is time to go your separate ways amicably,” James explained.
It’s, of course, important to have a life outside of your relationship. Yet, it’s a bad sign if you’re often fantasizing about a better life without your partner in it.
“Your mind is trying to tell you something. Either unconsciously or consciously, perhaps you desire to not be in the relationship, or a relationship with them,” said the expert.
Seeing the good in people is a great quality to have but holding onto hope that a person can change or has the potential to change will ultimately lead to disappointment in a relationship.
Accepting people for who they are is key. “If you can’t accept someone for who they are, move on. This is particularly true if boundaries get crossed and they promise they will change, and you believe they will, but unhealthy patterns keep persisting. This is a big warning sign that you need to move on,” James added.
Ultimately, you want to date someone who brings out the best in you and who you can be totally yourself with. If this isn’t the case in your relationship, that’s another bad sign.
“If those close to you are telling you that you don’t seem like your old self, ask yourself why this is,” James said.
“If the reasoning is that your partner’s presence is causing these feelings, it’s important to reflect on whether the relationship is truly supporting your growth and happiness,” he advised.
Everyone has their little quirks that can either be overlooked or they’re a dealbreaker. If you’re feeling like every little habit of your partner’s annoys you, it might be time to move on.
“If the habit is something minor but gives you the ick, then it might be time to wonder whether you have moved on emotionally and need to break up,” said the expert.
Not everyday in a relationship will be rainbows and butterflies. However, if you oftentimes feel more anxious, worried, or doubtful than happy and secure in your relationship, it might be time to say goodbye.
“Relationships should provide a sense of security and comfort and not a never-ending cycle of overthinking that leaves you feeling anxious, uncertain, or confused. This ongoing doubt could suggest a deeper issue, so definitely don’t ignore it,” advised James.
Another tell-tale sign that your relationship may be headed to splitsville is if you’re not present in the moment with your significant other and if you’re interested in everything else but your partnership.
“It’s very important to ask yourself what it is in your life that’s causing you to be distracted. Are there genuine career pressures that you are dealing with right now, and is it just a crazy busy period that is causing you or even your partner to be distracted at home?” James said.
If you feel like you can’t confide in your partner or that they no longer have your back — run because it won’t get any better.
“If you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the relationship alone and your partner always seems to be more interested in themselves than you, question your future together. Relationships should be a two-way street at the end of the day,” James said.
In a relationship, the hard conversations need to be had.
“If you find yourself hesitating to bring something up, or when you do, your attempt [fails]it’s definitely time to assess if your relationship is something that will last,” explained James.
“At the end of the day, remember, open communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and if that’s missing, it may be time to break up if you can’t chat openly and honestly together,” James explained.
