Being the therapist in your friend circle can be exhausting, especially when it’s not your job. While it’s amazing that people see you as kind and filled with inner wisdom, that perception can also be dangerous if you’re constantly providing emotional support. It’s exhausting enough to deal with your own mental turmoil to then have to manage the emotional weight of others when sometimes, all you really need is to focus on your own healing, stress, or the many other things you’re navigating.
A recent post on TikTok by Rydawginit illuminated this important topic. To avoid the trap that goes from friendly support to overly invested, follow these four rules to protect yourself and avoid becoming the burned out, therapist friend.
Rydawginit warned, “Do not let your emotional intelligence turn you into a free therapist for all your friends, family, co-workers, and others.” He emphasized that while it’s important to develop emotional intelligence and share it, when necessary, it shouldn’t become a habit.
He’s right. According to Mental Health Americatrue emotional intelligence means knowing how to take care of yourself as well as being aware of the emotional state of those around you. In order to find that balance, try adopting these four habits.
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According to a blog from Harvard’s Professional and Executive Developmentemotional intelligence includes four key components: self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and social skills.
Self-awareness means understanding your own feelings and how they affect others. Self-regulation helps you stay calm and control your emotions in tough situations. Social awareness is about recognizing others’ feelings and being kind, while social skills help you communicate and work well with others. To improve your emotional intelligence, check in on each component, especially how you feel and how you respond to others. This will ensure that you stay healthy and don’t get depleted by helping others.
According to a post from Point Loma Nazarene Universityself-care helps prevent burnout and keeps you healthy. It involves taking care of yourself by eating well, sleeping enough, and doing things that make you feel better.
While some self-care activities may cost money, others are inexpensive, such as taking cost-effective vitamins, going for a walk, or taking a short break to relax. By incorporating these habits into your routine, you’ll be nurturing both your physical health and emotional intelligence.
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Sometimes, you may feel the urge to help others solve their problems, but that’s when setting boundaries becomes important. While relationships are valuable, it’s crucial to protect your mental well-being.
Michelle C. Broot-Brooks from Very Very Health suggested a simple formula for setting boundaries. Start with small steps and focus on one thing at a time. Be clear and simple about what you need. Practice saying it out loud if it makes you nervous. Remember, keep your message simple and focused on the main issue, ensuring it’s comfortable and respectful for everyone involved.
If you suspect a loved one is dealing with a mental health challenge like depression or anxiety, it’s important to approach the conversation about seeking professional help thoughtfully and with care, as suggested by Margarita Tartakovsky from Psych Central. Be gentle and avoid making them feel ashamed or defensive.
They may resist due to stigma or past challenges in seeking help. While finding the right therapist can take time, reassure them that with patience and sometimes trial and error, the right fit will come. If you’re comfortable, share your own experience, but only share what you’re willing to. Finally, be patient and emphasize that seeking help is a positive and important step.
It’s great to be a caring person, but sometimes you need to prioritize yourself. Avoid becoming the “full-time therapist” for others. While developing and sharing emotional intelligence is important, it shouldn’t become a habit. Remember, your emotional well-being is just as important as others’.
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Mina Rose Morales is a writer and photojournalist with a degree in journalism. She covers a wide range of topics, including psychology, self-help, relationships, and the human experience.
