Even if we don’t want to admit it, we all want to be liked on some level. We all dream of people thinking of us highly. Nobody really actively wants to be disliked.
But, for better or for worse, you simply can’t make everyone like you. It’s not possible. To some, this may feel like a major blow. But, maybe it’s really a blessing in disguise. One woman certainly thinks so.
Sabrina Treffiletti, a beauty, fashion and lifestyle influencer on TikTokshared an interesting take on being liked in a recent video. While everyone seems to want to be liked by as many people as possible, Treffiletti acknowledged that that might not be the best road to go down.
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“I wish more people knew that it’s actually healthy when people dislike you,” she said. “Being disliked is a by-product of having self-respect.” This sounds counterintuitive on the surface. Isn’t being liked the same thing as being respected? Technically, no, and it’s very different from self-respect.
: 6 Subtle Behaviors That Make People Dislike You Almost Instantly
“It means you’re not a people pleaser and that you have boundaries,” she shared. “A lot of your problems come from not putting people in their place the first time they try you.”
If you’re a people pleaser, everyone really will like you because you’ll cater to everyone’s needs but your own. By setting boundaries, you may ruffle some feathers, but you’re setting yourself up for greater success. “Be careful what you tolerate,” she concluded. “You’re teaching people how to treat you.”
In other words, if you accept disrespect and let people walk all over you, then you are showing them that it’s okay to treat you that way. You are allowing it. You have to enforce boundaries so they know how to really treat you with respect.
Clinical psychologist and HuffPost contributor Ben Michaelis, Ph.D.wrote about the importance of actually not being liked by everyone. “If everybody likes you, you are doing it wrong,” he said. Michaelis explained that “either extreme” of either being liked by everyone or being liked by no one is not good. Instead, you want to land somewhere in the middle.
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“The answer is approximately 85%,” he explained. “If about 85% of the people you meet like you, you are probably doing something right. If it’s much less than that, you (are) probably not doing enough to get along with others … In contrast, if much more than 85% of the people you meet like you, you are probably doing too much to get along.”
It’s a delicate balancing act, but being liked by too many people, or even by everyone, means that you aren’t doing enough to protect yourself. Instead, you’re bending over backwards to make sure you please every single person you come across. In theory, this shouldn’t even be possible, Michaelis pointed out.
“There are nearly seven billion people out there, all with different wants, needs, histories, agendas and fears,” he stated. “If practically everybody you meet likes you, it means that you are probably tying yourself up in knots trying to offer up an inauthentic picture of yourself in order to get along with others.”
People who took the time to comment on her video proved that Treffiletti was on to something. For example, one person said, “I (would) rather be disliked/hated than be fake with people.” Another added, “The schools should teach this.”
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“Sometimes I want to blame myself for not having friends and not being close to some of my family members,” someone else said. “Then I remember I became a bad person because I refuse to tolerate disrespect.”
The temptation to be liked by everyone is real, but so is the fact that being respected, both by yourself and others, is worth it.
: 15 Signs You’re Trying Way Too Hard To Be Liked
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
