"यदृच्छालाभसन्तुष्टो द्वन्द्वातीतो विमत्सरः।
समः सिद्धावसिद्धौ च कृत्वापि न निबध्यते॥"
(Bhagavad Gita 4.22)

( "Content with what comes to him without effort, unaffected by dualities, free from envy, and balanced in success and failure, though performing actions, he is not bound.")

The Gita speaks of a state where one remains balanced, unaffected by success or failure, and content with what life brings. Now, think about how we often experience love—volatile, full of highs and lows, and tied to how the other person makes us feel. If love is true, why does it leave us feeling so unbalanced at times?

The shloka reminds us that true love is not about emotional extremes or dependence on outcomes. It’s about finding steadiness and acceptance, regardless of how the relationship unfolds. But modern love is often defined by attachment, expectation, and the need for reciprocation. When someone doesn’t meet our emotional needs, we question the validity of the love itself.

The Gita challenges this notion by teaching that real love stems from inner completeness rather than external validation. If love makes you anxious or insecure, it may be rooted more in attachment than in genuine connection. True love, according to the Gita, is about offering affection and care without the need for control or reciprocation. The question is—are we loving from a place of fulfillment, or are we seeking to fill a void?

Let’s explore how the Gita’s wisdom helps us distinguish between true love and conditioned attachment.

1. Love vs. Attachment: Are We Loving or Clinging? "यदा संहरते चायं कूर्मोऽङ्गानीव सर्वशः।
इन्द्रियाणीन्द्रियार्थेभ्यस्तस्य प्रज्ञा प्रतिष्ठिता॥"
(Bhagavad Gita 2.58)

( "When, like a tortoise withdrawing its limbs, one draws in the senses from sense objects, wisdom stands firm.")

We often mistake attachment for love. Holding on tightly to a person, feeling anxious when they pull away, or expecting constant attention is not love—it's attachment. Just like a tortoise withdrawing into its shell for protection, the Gita advises us to detach from sensory impulses and emotional highs. When you love someone with the understanding that they are not yours to possess, you experience a love rooted in freedom, not fear.

In relationships, this means learning to love without trying to control or change the other person. True love is about acceptance, not attachment.

2. Love Beyond the Ego: Do We Love for the Other—Or Ourselves? "नाहं कर्ता सर्वमिदं परप्रकृतेः क्रियामाणानि गुणैः।"
(Bhagavad Gita 3.27)

( "All actions are being performed by the modes of material nature, but the ego-deluded self thinks: 'I am the doer.'")

Do we love someone because of who they are—or because of how they make us feel? The Gita warns us about the illusion of the ego. When we say "I love you because you make me happy," it's not love—it's self-gratification. Love tied to personal gain is not true love; it’s attachment to emotional comfort.

The Gita teaches that love should not be about fulfilling personal needs or seeking emotional highs. True love begins when we dissolve the ego, letting go of the idea that someone else is responsible for our happiness. When we love without seeking reward, we liberate both ourselves and the person we love.

3. The Illusion of "Forever Love"—Can Love Exist Without Change? "अनित्यमसुखं लोकमिमं प्राप्य भजस्व माम्।"
(Bhagavad Gita 9.33)

( "Having come into this transient and joyless world, engage in devotion unto Me.")

Romantic movies often promise "forever love"—a relationship that will remain unchanged through time and trials. But the Gita reminds us that the material world is transient, and so are human emotions. If we anchor love in the hope that it will never change, we set ourselves up for disappointment.

True love lies in accepting impermanence. People grow, situations change, and love that lasts is the kind that adapts rather than resists. Love rooted in acceptance, not permanence, is the kind that survives the test of time.

4. Love as Dharma—Can Love Be a Choice, Not Just a Feeling? "स्वधर्मे निधनं श्रेयः परधर्मो भयावहः।"
(Bhagavad Gita 3.35)

( "It is better to fail in one's own duty than to succeed in the duty of another.")

Love is not just about how you feel—it’s also about what you choose to do. The Gita emphasizes the importance of dharma (duty) over fleeting emotions. Sometimes love means standing by someone during difficult times, even when you don’t feel particularly loving.

Feelings are temporary, but commitment is a choice. When you see love as a duty of honesty, respect, and loyalty, it transcends emotional highs and lows. Love becomes an act of giving, not just a feeling of receiving.

5. Self-Love First—Can We Love Others Without Loving Ourselves? "उद्धरेदात्मनात्मानं नात्मानमवसादयेत्।"
(Bhagavad Gita 6.5)

( "Let a person lift themselves by their own mind, let them not degrade themselves.")

We are often taught to prioritize others' happiness over our own. But the Gita reminds us that self-love is not selfish—it’s necessary. If you are not grounded within yourself, your love for others will come from a place of emptiness.

Loving yourself means accepting your flaws, setting boundaries, and not depending on others to validate your worth. True love flows from a place of emotional stability. When you nurture yourself first, your love for others becomes more balanced and unconditional.

So, Is Love What We Feel—or How We’ve Been Taught to Feel? The Gita’s wisdom challenges the modern notion of love as just a passionate feeling. The shlokas remind us that true love is not about clinging to a person or seeking emotional highs—it's about balance, acceptance, and freedom from ego.

Modern society often teaches us that love should be intense, dramatic, and all-consuming. But the Gita suggests that love is most powerful when it is calm and selfless. It’s not about finding someone to complete you—it’s about loving from a place of wholeness.

Love, according to the Gita, is not about possession or permanence—it’s about presence and peace. When you love without fear, without attachment, and without ego, you discover a love that transcends both time and circumstance.