As technology and social media grow, children are feeling lonelier than ever. According to a 2022 survey from the Survey Center on American Life, 56% of Gen Zers (people born between 1997-2012) reported feeling lonely at least once or twice a month during childhood. This loneliness can lead to anxiety and depression in young adults, according to the National Institute of Health.
As much as we might try, being a perfect parent is impossible. The best we can do is pay attention to our children, and nurture and love them. We often look for advice, sometimes this comes from fellow parents, books, or even Instagram. Ron Yap, a mental health advocate and content creator, took to Instagram to share a few signs of a lonely child.
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Children have active imaginations, which is a beautiful gift, but if they retreat into their imaginary world often and refuse to come out, this can be a cause for concern.
Iben Sandahl, a psychotherapist and parenting expert, shared the story of one of her patients with Psychology Today.
“She (the 9-year-old patient) told me that she felt very alone and had created her own fairly-tale world of small creatures, which had become her family,” shared Sandahl. “I understood that she missed her parents’ love and attention, which she couldn’t express in words. Instead, she was comforting herself.”
Life can be so busy that it can be hard to make time for your children, especially during particularly hectic times. Giving your children just a little bit of your undivided attention every day can be extremely beneficial. You’re more likely to know how they’re feeling if you know what’s going on in their life. Don’t shy away from joining in their make-believe realm. This can be another way to grow closer and experience their creativity firsthand.
: 8 Signs You Were Lonely As A Child And It’s Affecting You Now
Separation anxiety is common, especially in young children. According to Stanford Medicinenearly all children between 18 months and 3 years old are clingy in one way or another. Especially before children develop object permanence, they can think that once you walk out of a room you’re gone forever, which is understandably very scary!
When a child is older and still has great fear about being away from their family, this is when to worry. Sometimes this can be as simple as a child being nervous about making new friends or spending time by themselves.
You can encourage your child by comforting them and reassuring them about their fears. Gradually introduce new people, especially those providing childcare, so that the child knows that you trust not only this new person but also them.
Don’t prolong goodbyes, even though you may get emotional dropping them off at school, do your best to exude reassurance so that your child knows everything will be okay and you will be back soon. You can also introduce a soft toy or item of comfort that the child can have with them even when you are away.
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Some children are more introverted than others and can prefer alone time. It’s important to know the difference between a child that is genuinely happy to play by themselves, versus a child that is avoiding others.
Of course, this is notorious in teenagers, but children of all ages can have difficulty expressing their emotions. Dr. All sorts ofPsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, suggests opening up to your child about times that you may have felt isolated or lonely to get the conversation going, and show that it’s okay to express what you’re feeling. “Sharing a little bit can open the door for kids to express some of what they’re feeling. But I wouldn’t push too hard. If they don’t want to tell you, give it a try again in the next day or two,” said Dr. Allerhand.
: 7 Subtle Signs Of A Child Who Is Truly Introverted And Needs Alone Time, According To Research
Tantrums can be caused by many different things, and come from a child not knowing how to react to a situation in a more grown-up way. If something frustrates them or scares them, it can feel instinctual to react by screaming, crying, or kicking something. (I know we’ve all felt this way a time or two.) But it’s important not to reward this behavior because a child can grow to depend on it.
According to the Child Mind Institute, the first step is to make, what mental health professionals call, a “functional assessment.” This means paying attention to what is causing the tantrum and what the immediate response is before, during, and after. “A majority of kids who have frequent meltdowns do it in very predictable situations,” Dr. Vasco Lopes, PsyD, a clinical psychologist told the outlet. This can include things like bedtime, homework time, or any other time that a child is asked to stop doing something that they enjoy.
If your child learns that by throwing a tantrum, they can get their way, they may continue to do it. “Even if it only works five out of 10 times that they tantrum, that intermittent reinforcement makes it a very solid learned behavior,” said Dr. Lopes.
To get the tantrums to stop, it’s important to explain clearly to your child what you are asking of them, and not reward the tantrum by letting them get out of whatever they don’t want to do. Rather than saying something vague like “You need to behave,” Dr. Lopes suggested trying something like “‘You need to be seated during mealtime, with your hands to yourself, and saying only positive words.’ Those are very observable, concrete things that the child knows what’s expected and that the parent can reinforce with praise and rewards.”
Not all children who bully others are bad. Sometimes, bullying is a symptom of something greater, like loneliness or wanting attention. Some children also bully or hurt others due to peer pressure.
The first step is to thank those who told you and assure them you take it seriously. Then take in all the information. The Australian Institute of Family Studies even recommends talking the information over with a trusted friend. This way, when you do talk to your child, you can remain calm.
They don’t need a long-winded lecture. Let them know that this is serious business and unacceptable. Look at the greater symptoms. Has your child been doing well in school? Are they worried about something going on at home? A teacher or a school counselor can be a great resource as well.
The below video from The Child Mind Institute shares more tips on how to stop your child from bullying.
: Former School Bully Reveals The Unforgettable Lesson Her Gentle-Parent Mom Taught Her That Ultimately Led Her To Change Her Ways
Alexis Faible is a writer with a Bachelor’s in fashion design and a Master’s in journalism covering fashion, relationships and human-interest stories.
