Dear Coleen

I’m a 46-year-old woman who’s recently hit the singles market after the end of a long-term relationship. I’d been with my partner for 15 years and left because he wouldn’t commit.

I spent years hoping for marriage and and I feel like a bit of an idiot now that I didn’t leave sooner.

I’ve been focusing on my job and my friends, who’ve all been great. They helped me to set up a and I’ve connected with someone lovely. At the moment I’m not looking for anything serious, which is probably a good thing as this guy is only 35. We’ve met up a couple of times and there’s definitely chemistry, but nothing has happened so far.

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We’ve planned to go away for a couple of nights, which I’m excited about, but I’m very worried about the sex thing.

I’ve slept with the same person for 15 years and didn’t sleep with many people before him. I feel nervous, especially about being naked in front of someone new, who’s also younger and very attractive.

I think I’m in good shape for my age, as I do and run, but I’m not body confident. I’d love some words of reassurance and encouragement.

Coleen says

The one thing I learned when I did the dating app thing for a while is that most people you meet, whatever age they are, tend to overthink this bit. And it’s wrong to assume it’s just women who get nervous or feel insecure when it comes to having sex for the first time with someone new.

Many men feel these things, too, because they’ve told me.

But when you’re in the moment and it finally happens, none of that matters.

If someone had told me in the cold light of day that when I was in my mid-50s I’d start dating again and end up in a physical relationship, I’d have been horrified.

But when you get to that day and things happen organically, I promise you won’t care and you’ll stop thinking about it.

This guy clearly likes you and finds you attractive and, if he’s as lovely as you say he is, then I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

You’ve already made a good connection, so I hope you could be honest about how you feel getting into something new with him after a ­long-term relationship.

If he did say anything to make you feel insecure, then he’s not the right person. Try to focus on the fun and enjoying getting to know him better while you’re away together.

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