Naturally, when we make good friends, we assume that they’re going to be around forever. However, growing older and having our values, personal beliefs, and behaviors change is inevitable, and we may grow apart from those we once called our best friends.
We may even hold on to friendships longer than we should out of a sense of loyalty. According to Emma Paigehost of the Too Much podcastthere are three very distinct traits you need to pay attention to when it comes to your friendships, which are signs that the relationship has likely run its course.
Misaligned values can create problems in a friendship. They can lead to misunderstandings, disagreements, and a growing sense of disconnection between friends.
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For example, if one friend values professional success above all else while the other prioritizes personal relationships, they may have trouble empathizing and understanding each other’s life choices. While neither value is necessarily wrong, their lack of understanding can lead to frustration and isolation, as one friend may feel that the other is not supportive or doesn’t “get” them.
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We may make a friend in high school who we believe will be our best friend for life. We do everything with them, and we have the same hobbies and the same sense of humor. However, the high school version of us can feel like a stranger once we reach adulthood. Our beliefs, goals, and personal values are prone to change as we grow older.
We go from partying every weekend with our friends to entering the “career and care crunch,” where our focus shifts toward professional life and family relationships. We may not have the time we once did to catch up over drinks at happy hour and stay out late into the night.
While some friends grow together, allowing the relationship to flourish, there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that some friendships will not stand the test of time. You can still love an old friend but realize that you are going in different directions. Self-care and mental health educator Minaa B, LMSW, explained to well + good“A common reason people may outgrow friendships is that the things they once bonded over are no longer strong enough or present to keep the friendship going.” She went on to say, “The person you were and the space you were in when you started the friendship could look like polar opposites compared to who you are now and the responsibilities you carry.”
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Jealousy in friendships can stem from feelings of insecurity, competition, and the fear of losing a close bond. We expect our friends to be supportive and happy for us through our accomplishments. However, our accomplishments may make them feel insecure about their own worth and abilities. They may feel threatened when a friend excels, feeling a sense of envy.
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Jealousy may also stem from possessiveness, especially when they fear that someone else might replace them or take their attention away. While jealousy is a human emotion that we can all experience from time to time, it can ultimately lead to the breakdown of friendships if it is not resolved.
Letting go of friendships is a painful yet natural part of life that we are all bound to go through. However, knowing when it is time to walk away from a friendship and what to look out for will ultimately benefit your own personal growth and allow you to find the right friends that align with your life.
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Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
