When you tell people you’re the oldest child in your family, do they assume that you’re bossy and demanding? Let’s not even get started when it comes to the babies of the family… For the most part, these assumptions are all in good fun. A way for siblings and parents to tease each other and bond over family dynamics, but science says there might be more to these birth order stereotypes.
Psychotherapist Alfred Adler believed that our character traits and behaviors were derived primarily from developmental issues, particularly birth order, and these theories are still in play today (though some people believe that they’re too simple and stereotypical). More recent research suggested that other factors, such as temperament, gender, genetics, parenting, and environment, must be considered. But even with the countless variables present from family to family, studies keep popping up that give credence to Adler’s theory that birth order greatly influences personality.
We are all complex creatures that are multi-faceted and unique, but when it comes to birth order, there are just some commonalities that we can’t ignore. Here’s how your birth order plays into your personality without you even realizing it:
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According to Adler’s research, only children mature a lot faster than kids with siblings. That has a lot to do with having more interaction with adults. Only children are often comfortable being the center of attention, and as BetterHelp noted, that results in a natural inclination toward confidence and even a touch of self-centeredness.
An academic review from 2018 backs up Adler’s findings. As adults, only children, who Parents affectionately dubbed “super firstborns,” because they exhibit many of the same traits until the firstborn suddenly has to share their parents’ attention, are often perfectionists who have the potential to become effective leaders because of their innate maturity and confidence. These are adults who have trusted their own instincts since they were young, and that makes them unstoppable professionally.
That diligence and self-reliance can make personal relationships a bit more difficult, however. Jaime Bronstein, a California-based relationship therapist, explained to The New York Post“If you are dating an only child, look for red flags regarding not feeling prioritized enough.” He went on to say, “If you are doing all the work in the relationship and putting in all the effort, then it’s time to communicate your needs.” Bronstein also noted that it can be difficult for only children to compromise because they weren’t forced to adapt to the wants and needs of siblings growing up. As a result, they can sometimes become conflict-avoidant, making communicating in a romantic relationship more difficult.
Famous only children include Daniel Radcliffe, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Natalie Portman.
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According to Adler, firstborns are often overachievers who tend to exhibit Type A personalities. And why shouldn’t they? A 2016 study found that first-born children have higher IQs and better thinking skills than their siblings. Frank Farley, Ph.D., a psychologist at Temple University in Philadelphia, who has studied personality and human development for decades, told Parents, “Many parents spend more time reading and explaining things to firstborns. It’s not as easy when other kids come into the picture.” He added, “That undivided attention may have a lot to do with why firstborns tend to be overachievers.”
There can be drawbacks to that initiative, however. Firstborns can have an intense fear of failure and, as a result, be inflexible workaholics who do not like change or discomfort. Additionally, the added responsibility that comes from not only being mature and responsible from an early age, but being thrust into the role of parent-helper once the younger sibs come along can give them a bit of an authoritarian, “my way or the highway,” attitude.
Famous oldest children include Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, and Kate Middleton.
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Middle children hold a unique role in families, although they don’t always believe they do. And therein lies the problem. With simply less energy and time to devote to baby number two, middle kids can feel like they weren’t attended to in the same way their siblings were. Research has found that this can lead to self-esteem issues in adulthood.
As MedicalNewsToday pointed out, however, even though they may have felt slighted in childhood, these kids often have the most positive personality traits. They’re known for being peacekeepers and are great at compromise. They are friendlier, faithful, and loyal, and they’re excellent at connecting with people both older and younger than themselves. Despite their older siblings having more responsibility, middle children often end up the most independent of all the kids.
The latest findings suggest even more good news for these middle children. A 2024 study found that middle children are “more honest, humble, and agreeable than their siblings.” Basically, middle kids are kind of the best, and maybe the fact that they don’t think they are is what makes them so wonderful.
Famous middle children include Martin Luther King Jr., Madonna, Bill Gates, and Kristen Stewart.
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Okay babies of the bunch, it’s your time to shine. Then again, you always do. Ask your older siblings, and they will undoubtedly tell you how you got away with everything compared to them. Chances are they’re right. By the time you were born, your parents weren’t quite as careful, let’s say. As a result, you learned to get attention and hold onto it, sometimes for positive behaviors and sometimes for more rebellious antics.
All that vying for attention and indulgence results in many youngest children growing up to be extremely charming adults. They are usually outgoing and extroverted, and because they had more freedom in childhood, they tend to be more creative than their siblings, because they weren’t forced to tread the straight and narrow like the older kids.
Dr. Catherine Salmon, professor of Psychology at the University of Redlands, told Parade“In general, high agreeableness, extraversion (the social dimension) and openness are associated with youngest children, and sometimes low conscientiousness due to lack of responsibilities and parental indulgence over expectations. As a result, they tend to excel in areas involving a social dimension but may always be seen (or see themselves) as the ‘baby.'” That means when it comes to relationships and adult responsibilities, these babies can be a bit flighty. Chances are, you’ll forgive them in a heartbeat because they are just so fun.
Famous celebrities include Jennifer Lawrence, Harry Styles, Ryan Gosling, Robert Pattinson, and George Clooney.
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Christine Schoenwald is a writer and performer. She’s had articles in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, and Woman’s Day.
