Parents often celebrate agreeable children who quietly follow instructions — from eating vegetables without fuss to tying shoelaces when asked. But child psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy warns that behind this compliance lies a deeper risk. Speaking at the Fast Company Innovation Festival 2025, she noted that constant people-pleasing in childhood may set the stage for anxiety, burnout, and emptiness in adulthood, as reported by CNBC Make It.

Why People-Pleasing Hurts in the Long Run

“We love our people-pleasers when they’re young … but if we want to know what leads to a lot of adult anxiety and emptiness, it’s those literal qualities,” Kennedy explained. These children learn to monitor moods, adapt behavior, and sacrifice their needs to win approval. Over time, such habits can erode self-esteem, prevent healthy boundaries, and even impact careers or relationships.

Experts point out that this pattern, often called “fawning,” mirrors a trauma response where individuals seek safety by appeasing others. A recent Business Insider report noted that Gen Z, raised in a hyper-connected digital world, are particularly prone to this behavior. Every online “seen” or missed like can amplify fears of rejection, deepening the cycle of over-accommodation.

Helping Kids Build Authentic Identities

Kennedy suggests three ways parents can support their children in breaking free from people-pleasing:

• Reassure through conflict – Remind kids that love remains even during anger or disagreement.
• Celebrate individuality – Highlight when they choose differently from parents, affirming their sense of identity.
• Encourage autonomy – Teach kids to make decisions even if it disappoints others, reinforcing that it is not their job to keep everyone happy.

A Lesson for Adults Too

The cycle does not end in childhood. Self-help author Hailey Magee told Harvard Business Review in 2024 that adults can avoid burnout by learning to set boundaries and resist automatic “yes” responses. As therapist Josephson added, “Pause before you speak or send a message. Ask yourself: Am I doing this from fear or authenticity?”

In short, what looks like “good behavior” in kids may hide emotional compromises that echo into adulthood. The challenge for both children and adults is learning that true strength comes not from constant compliance but from knowing and honoring one’s own needs.